Pre-Christmas ramblings.

     While I know that I don't believe in the Christian concept of December 25th (I see myself as my own lord and messiah and celebrate my own birthday as such), I titled this blog as "Pre-Christmas ramblings" because a lot goes on around me this time of the year. I'm sitting here writing this out while I watch a few episodes of Star Trek: Voyager. I really need to do this more. Maybe it will help me fight writer's block.

     Bronchitis is back! I've been bedridden most of the week. However, it has given me time to work with a new mage character on Skyrim. I've had a love-hate relationship with the temperature. I go from wearing sweats and a heavy T-shirt and covered in a blanket, to wearing nothing with the blanket stuffed in the corner. My sick days have pretty much disappeared.
     My abs and upper back hurt from coughing. I've coughed to the point where I've gagged and puked. I'm sick of this bullshit.
     In addition to bronchitis, my left arm broke out in what looks like hives. I hope they aren't bites. I really don't want to have to deal with that shit.

     I've decided, at least for the time being, to hold off any plans to actively pursue dating my workplace crush. I adore her, she's absolutely adorable, but I figured I should give her time to readjust and just breathe, since she is recently divorced.
     There is also another person I am somewhat interested in. So far, it's just some online flirting that got started on Plenty Of Fish. She's from Ellettsville. Just like I've learned from my past, I have to take my time and watch for red flags. She, too, is really cute; and yes, I'm following my type, since she's short and full-figured.
     Speaking of my past, I found out both of my recent serial monogamist exes (Jennifer 2014 and Carla 2015) got married quickly, and soon after me. I'm not hurt. It's just that... I like to say that you can't predict the future, but with enough information, you can conjecture possible futures; I saw the most likely scenario was that they would keep bouncing until they pissed off the wrong person; but I also saw the possibility of them trying to force themselves to settle, though not as strong a possibility as the first scenario; and I don't like to be proven wrong, even though both exes' marriages were conjectured futures. Maybe it was the heartfelt tell-off letters that made them mad enough to try to prove me wrong about them being serial monogamists? Nonetheless, a marriage license is just a paper and it won't end their instability.
     I guess I'm still afraid of trying the relationship thing again. I don't want another Jennifer or Carla. I talked to someone a month or so ago, and came up with a good analogy. Say there's a town, Relationship City. Lately, I've been settling on the corner of Flirtationship Lane and FWB Way. I've been content here. But I've been restless; I've been listening to talk about what's happening on Steady Partnership Blvd. I get curious, and maybe interested in going to that part of town. But I'm scared, because whenever I went to that part of town before, I got mugged.

     I've been thinking about my mom lately - more than usual. Maybe it's because it's the holiday season; maybe it's because I've been in contact with family in Michigan on Facebook. I hate the fact that she let her addiction get the best of her. I sometimes wish I could pull her alter ego (AKA 'That One Bitch') out of her before it was too late, saying "Get the fuck out of her and leave us alone!" Just rambling. Pissed, I guess.
     But, in lighter family news, my cousin told me he plans on riding down to Tennessee in late spring/early summer, and said he could probably drop by here for a day or so. It would be really good to see him.

     Things at home are holding steady. While, at first, the living arrangement was for mutual financial benefit, we've come to the conclusion that it's just nice to have another person around. On the one hand, if I want to playfully irritate someone I don't have far to go, and on the other hand I have a place where I can sit and think in private. Maybe living alone got the best of me, which (circling back to earlier) caused me to run into shitty relationships. In this current situation, there's someone around to keep me company, but there's no pressure to be in a live-in relationship to retain stability. It's like we went from best friends to adopted family.

     That's all that's on my mind in my personal life. I'm preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. I'm going to chill for a bit while I re-ignite my one-sided love-affair with Kate Mulgrew.