With 2012 8 hours away, I'd like to talk about how well my life has progressed over this past year. I'm no longer one of those types that think that a year has been good to someone, or if time is lucky for someone, but I like to look back on the years to see how my life has been going, and see what I can do to build on those parts of my life.
Professionally, I was promoted, and I'm doing well in my new position. No longer in day-programming, I'm working in a home. I just hope to keep it. I should, since I get along well with my boss. I'd like to further build on my professional life, becoming more valuable and able to take on responsibilities. I also look forward to losing that feeling that I'm new, and know the place in and out.
I upgraded my home to a bigger place. I got tired of feeling packed in so tightly at the north end. Now, I'm back downtown, in a less methy neighborhood, paying everything in one bundle, except for internet and phone.
In addition to the upgrade to a new home, I have also upgraded the comforts of that home. My internet's faster, and I've discovered online gaming. My television viewing is now on demand, and in high definition, and it's all on a shoestring budget. All my luxuries cost $60 per month. I'd like to learn more on how to live comfortably, yet smart.
My music collection has gotten more refined and in-depth. I've learned to appreciate the various moods and styles, and have delved deeply in classical eras, such as medieval, baroque, and romantic.
My enjoyment of language has been further enhanced with music, also. That actually started with German years ago. But this year, I've been soaking in more Russian with the discovery of Eastern European rap and pop. I can't wait to hear what more I will discover.
I got back in touch with family, and I got to learn more about my past. I got to learn even more that things that happened weren't my fault. I'm eager to see them again sometime. I haven't seen my cousin in decades.
Romantically, I developed three flirtationships; not quite lovers, but a little more than friends. I got back in touch with the one I call my Doll. She was fun to hang around, and I got to explore a more gently dominant, caretaker side. I got re-acquainted with Bekah (AKA my Kitten) and Stephanie (AKA my Amazon).
I've fallen in love and gotten deeply involved with two women, Dawn and Stacy. They strongly reciprocate my feelings, and they even like my flirtationships. Dawn, my mistress, even says that when she's not around, my Amazon can lay down the law in her stead.
I guess I have broadened my horizons in that department. I never understood polyamory before this year, but I am in the middle of it now. I've also come to appreciate the touch of smaller women. I'm eager to share more of my life with them.
I'm headed to bed, so I can work tonight, and I will be watching the ball drop.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Getting it together.
I finally whittled down the list of things I need to do to catch up on schoolwork. I didn't actually do those things; I just found a bunch of redundancies and erased them from the list. Now, the list doesn't look so big. I just did a couple of phone interviews. I'm also getting one last story into the paper at the last minute. Even if I just get half-credit, I will still have a 75% in as far as stories go. Being in my horrible health condition, and working full-time, it's hard to expect perfection. I just have to keep thinking to myself that this is all towards a better end. Maybe someday, people will be buying books written by me, and they will be inspired by something I wrote. I have this semi-serious mantra that I say: "I want to be the next Noam Chomsky."
I just talked to my boss, and she said that I shouldn't be worried about anything. "Just keep doing what you're supposed to be doing." is what she said. I got tonight switched for Thursday. That makes me happy. Time to rest and get shit DONE!
Wow... I just got in the mood for Russian folk music. It'd be cool if it started snowing again. I took pictures of the first snowfall. I posted one. The rest are in my private photo album on my computer. I love how this music goes from ultra-slow to ultra-fast... gradually.
Dawn loves what I wrote about her and Stacy. She said it was sweet. I'm just feeling sentimental and missing two people that I'm madly in love with. I'm the type of person that feels emotions deeply--positive or negative. I think I should call Stacy soon, since I don't hear from her as often as I hear from Dawn. I remember when we really started to get to know, and fall in love with, each other on my birthday. We were both wide awake, but Dawn was tired, so we curled up with each other on the floor, and we talked and really shared a good heart-to-heart, intimate few hours.
I can't wait to have some free time to where I can run a D&D game. Amanda, from across the border, wants me to run a Vampire game. I'm thinking of it, but I want to make sure that I have the combat system down first, as well as decide on a campaign setting.
I'm hungry, and I have to head to campus. I hope the food at the dining center doesn't work on me too badly.
I just talked to my boss, and she said that I shouldn't be worried about anything. "Just keep doing what you're supposed to be doing." is what she said. I got tonight switched for Thursday. That makes me happy. Time to rest and get shit DONE!
Wow... I just got in the mood for Russian folk music. It'd be cool if it started snowing again. I took pictures of the first snowfall. I posted one. The rest are in my private photo album on my computer. I love how this music goes from ultra-slow to ultra-fast... gradually.
Dawn loves what I wrote about her and Stacy. She said it was sweet. I'm just feeling sentimental and missing two people that I'm madly in love with. I'm the type of person that feels emotions deeply--positive or negative. I think I should call Stacy soon, since I don't hear from her as often as I hear from Dawn. I remember when we really started to get to know, and fall in love with, each other on my birthday. We were both wide awake, but Dawn was tired, so we curled up with each other on the floor, and we talked and really shared a good heart-to-heart, intimate few hours.
I can't wait to have some free time to where I can run a D&D game. Amanda, from across the border, wants me to run a Vampire game. I'm thinking of it, but I want to make sure that I have the combat system down first, as well as decide on a campaign setting.
I'm hungry, and I have to head to campus. I hope the food at the dining center doesn't work on me too badly.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Missing my mistresses.
With finals and work on my mind, the one thing that's plaguing me is the fact that I miss Dawn and Stacy so much. Right now, I'm talking to Dawn, and we're wishing one of us were in the other's town. And we both worry about Stacy and wish she could take another vacation soon. I can't wait until I can come home from work one morning and again see Stacy sitting on the porch while she has a smoke, walk up to her, gaze into her beautiful steel-blue eyes, and kiss her passionately, tasting tobacco and getting a light buzz, taking brief pauses, but still letting our faces touch. Then I want to walk into the apartment and curl up with Dawn, feeling her soft skin pressed against mine. And I want to stroke her face while she just lays there, and I listen to her softly breathing. We'll hold each other until Stacy came inside, curled up between us, and I can look at her content, pretty smile. A year ago, I didn't think I would be as in love as I am now. And now I am with two wonderful women. But I miss them so much. I can't wait until we all see each other again.
Right now, I'm just looking forward for a couple of weeks from now, when I can get home from work and just relax with nothing else to do until the next shift. I want to have breakfast, play a game, have a drink (maybe), play a game, have lunch, have a drink (maybe), play a game, go to sleep, then go to work. I need to take a break from school, though. At least live school. Speaking of which, I have to get some things done while I have some downtime tonight.
Right now, I'm just looking forward for a couple of weeks from now, when I can get home from work and just relax with nothing else to do until the next shift. I want to have breakfast, play a game, have a drink (maybe), play a game, have lunch, have a drink (maybe), play a game, go to sleep, then go to work. I need to take a break from school, though. At least live school. Speaking of which, I have to get some things done while I have some downtime tonight.
Crunch time.
This is going to be my first blog entry since getting a Tumblr account (it was suggested by this classmate in the Journalism Lab, who uses it to post her creative photography, which is good). I will be simul-blogging on Blogger and Tumblr, unless I'm posting a pic.
It's almost the end of the semester, and I'm also getting in extra time at work. It's to the point where the only time I have to study is when I get the chores done at work, and I have a couple of hours of downtime. I was recently informed that another department has seven full-time workers and they still are getting around 60 hours a week. At least I can have a decent paycheck. Four more checks, and my wages will no longer be garnished.
Things are O.K. at work, but people down at my level are noticing a few problems. One, management doesn't make sure there's clear communication among the managed. Two, most upper management hasn't done our job, so they make rules which reflect their out-of-touch view of what we should do.
I think I did well on my paper. I talked about both sides of the Crusades, as well as the motivations of the holy wars. I don't think that anyone is squeaky clean on either sides of a holy war. That includes the present day. I even stated that if this land were settled by Muslims, they would have become the superpower, and left European Christians behind. In this alternate reality, those Christians would have felt oppressed, and would have been today's fundamentalist terrorists.
I need to make some time so I can get the things done that I need to for the end of the semester. Ever since this semester started, unless I'm too sick or injured to do anything, I've been hitting the ground running every day. I actually miss the days when I had two 12-hour shifts on the weekends, and two 8-hour shifts during the weekdays.
People have recommended that, since I want to write non-fiction, I should also get a degree in what I want to write about also. In my case, it would most likely be political science. If I go into doing that, I would want to do self-paced/distance ed classes.
My WoW account's been compromised. I've downloaded anti-mal/spyware and I'm currently running it. I'm tired of assholes fucking with good things. Dawn and I are level 37 and 36, respectively. I'm excited about getting to 42, because then I will be able to teleport my entire party to different cities.
Some friends and I are thinking of doing our weekly D&D game after the semester's end. A friend of mine from across the border wants to play in a Vampire game. I want to make sure I have all the combat/interaction rules understood before I run one of those.
Healthwise, I think we found out why I've been getting headaches. I've been diagnosed with high blood pressure. I think my sugar's crashed tonight. I feel overheated. I just can't wait to get home because I'm exhausted.
It's almost the end of the semester, and I'm also getting in extra time at work. It's to the point where the only time I have to study is when I get the chores done at work, and I have a couple of hours of downtime. I was recently informed that another department has seven full-time workers and they still are getting around 60 hours a week. At least I can have a decent paycheck. Four more checks, and my wages will no longer be garnished.
Things are O.K. at work, but people down at my level are noticing a few problems. One, management doesn't make sure there's clear communication among the managed. Two, most upper management hasn't done our job, so they make rules which reflect their out-of-touch view of what we should do.
I think I did well on my paper. I talked about both sides of the Crusades, as well as the motivations of the holy wars. I don't think that anyone is squeaky clean on either sides of a holy war. That includes the present day. I even stated that if this land were settled by Muslims, they would have become the superpower, and left European Christians behind. In this alternate reality, those Christians would have felt oppressed, and would have been today's fundamentalist terrorists.
I need to make some time so I can get the things done that I need to for the end of the semester. Ever since this semester started, unless I'm too sick or injured to do anything, I've been hitting the ground running every day. I actually miss the days when I had two 12-hour shifts on the weekends, and two 8-hour shifts during the weekdays.
People have recommended that, since I want to write non-fiction, I should also get a degree in what I want to write about also. In my case, it would most likely be political science. If I go into doing that, I would want to do self-paced/distance ed classes.
My WoW account's been compromised. I've downloaded anti-mal/spyware and I'm currently running it. I'm tired of assholes fucking with good things. Dawn and I are level 37 and 36, respectively. I'm excited about getting to 42, because then I will be able to teleport my entire party to different cities.
Some friends and I are thinking of doing our weekly D&D game after the semester's end. A friend of mine from across the border wants to play in a Vampire game. I want to make sure I have all the combat/interaction rules understood before I run one of those.
Healthwise, I think we found out why I've been getting headaches. I've been diagnosed with high blood pressure. I think my sugar's crashed tonight. I feel overheated. I just can't wait to get home because I'm exhausted.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The gauntlet.
I am almost done with this semester, but I still have some catching up to do. My physical health hasn't been where it is, either. The only thing going decently is my job. But then again, I hear about people getting fired over stupid shit all the time, and that makes me really paranoid.
Round 2 of bronchitis has visited. I'll be getting a new doctor now that I have insurance. The urgent care clinic said they wanted to catch my bronchitis quickly before it became pneumonia. What scares me about pneumonia is the fact that Heavy D recently died of it. For the weekend, I have to use this new breathing treatment machine every 4 hours. It makes me jittery.
Listening to dark folk music, especially Dead Can Dance, has been soothing lately. I should light a candle and put up my blackout curtains. When I got iTunes I noticed something wrong with the way the music was listed. Faith No More, for example, was listed as "Blues." This wouldn't be important for many, but I'm the type that usually knows the type of music they want before they know exactly what they want to listen to. So, I fixed it. If I want, for example, the music I've been in the mood for, I just go to the "Folk Noir" folder, and there's DCD, Hagalaz' Runedance, Tor Lundvall, etc. Also, because of my fondness of Coph Nia, Der Blutharsch, and Sophia, I've decided to make a new folder: Martial Industrial. I also included two of Laibach's albums: 'Nova Akropola" and 'Opus Dei.'
I finally have everything by VNV Nation. I love listening to them, too. Not lately; it's a little to fast and electronic, where I've been needing more organic and somber sounds. Thanks to Freecorder and Youtube, I finally have a full Winterkälte album, 'Drum N' Noise.' In addition, I have a bunch of other songs by them, including half of the album 'Disturbance' and "Greenwar."
Jordon and I got together with a few other people and are planning on having a weekly D&D game. I'd like to run it after this semester. They're interested in the Nordic-flavored campaign. I, hopefully, have recruited Bekah to play, too.
I finally hit level 70 as my rogue on WoW. I started adventuring in Northrend now, too. I like this city I discovered called Dalaren. It's a city ruled by mages. Speaking of mages, I'm starting to like the mage I play as when Dawn and I are on. I am looking forward to training in teleportation spells. There will be a point where I can be anywhere I want on Azeroth or Outlands. I'm kind of that way right now with my rogue, but he doesn't teleport.
I'm going to take a breathing treatment and lay down. I wish Dawn and Stacy were here.
Round 2 of bronchitis has visited. I'll be getting a new doctor now that I have insurance. The urgent care clinic said they wanted to catch my bronchitis quickly before it became pneumonia. What scares me about pneumonia is the fact that Heavy D recently died of it. For the weekend, I have to use this new breathing treatment machine every 4 hours. It makes me jittery.
Listening to dark folk music, especially Dead Can Dance, has been soothing lately. I should light a candle and put up my blackout curtains. When I got iTunes I noticed something wrong with the way the music was listed. Faith No More, for example, was listed as "Blues." This wouldn't be important for many, but I'm the type that usually knows the type of music they want before they know exactly what they want to listen to. So, I fixed it. If I want, for example, the music I've been in the mood for, I just go to the "Folk Noir" folder, and there's DCD, Hagalaz' Runedance, Tor Lundvall, etc. Also, because of my fondness of Coph Nia, Der Blutharsch, and Sophia, I've decided to make a new folder: Martial Industrial. I also included two of Laibach's albums: 'Nova Akropola" and 'Opus Dei.'
I finally have everything by VNV Nation. I love listening to them, too. Not lately; it's a little to fast and electronic, where I've been needing more organic and somber sounds. Thanks to Freecorder and Youtube, I finally have a full Winterkälte album, 'Drum N' Noise.' In addition, I have a bunch of other songs by them, including half of the album 'Disturbance' and "Greenwar."
Jordon and I got together with a few other people and are planning on having a weekly D&D game. I'd like to run it after this semester. They're interested in the Nordic-flavored campaign. I, hopefully, have recruited Bekah to play, too.
I finally hit level 70 as my rogue on WoW. I started adventuring in Northrend now, too. I like this city I discovered called Dalaren. It's a city ruled by mages. Speaking of mages, I'm starting to like the mage I play as when Dawn and I are on. I am looking forward to training in teleportation spells. There will be a point where I can be anywhere I want on Azeroth or Outlands. I'm kind of that way right now with my rogue, but he doesn't teleport.
I'm going to take a breathing treatment and lay down. I wish Dawn and Stacy were here.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Bored and in pain.
I've done some more homework for this coming week. And now I'm working on fixing the genres in my iTunes. There's no way in hell that Faith No More would be considered blues. Since when has Soundgarden become "Other"? And Sol Invictus is metal? Anyway, fixing it will make things a lot easier, since I usually know what type of music I'm in the mood for before I know who I want to listen to.
I'm just passing time, since chores are done. In 45 minutes, it will be time to start paperwork. I'll have been here for 9 hours, since we had to bring our clocks back an hour.
I've been sleeping longer, but I still need to get my black-out curtains up in my new place. That, combined with ambient music, will help me sleep less fitfully. I need to find my incense, too.
The headaches are pretty bad lately, too. I have medicine for them, but it makes me feel high. I'm not about to take it before going to work or school again.
Right now, my biggest physical complaint is the fact that I'm having stomach cramps. I had beans and rice before coming to work.
My non-physical complaint is that I miss Dawn and Stacy. I love them and worry about them (for unspecified reasons). I miss the way Dawn holds me and makes the rest of the world melt away, and the way that Stacy looks so content when she curls up between us. Dawn agrees with me, too: Stacy's a great kisser! When the time comes, we should all enjoy these things with more frequency.
I wish we could get Stacy into WoW. With people I care about living out of town, it's cool to have a place online to virtually hang out. My rogue is now level 68, and my mage is level 19. My mage and her level 17 hunter adventure together. I keep trying to improve my tailoring skill, so I can get a flying carpet at the appropriate level.
I met someone at school who games. She's interested in playing a Nordic-inspired D&D campaign. So, with my old neighbor, Jordon, another guy, and the girl from class, that's four players.
I finally got "Heroes of Might and Magic IV" for Windows 7. I remember being shown how to play III, and it seemed like a fantasy version of Risk.
I'm getting so tired right now. It's time to start paperwork.
I'm just passing time, since chores are done. In 45 minutes, it will be time to start paperwork. I'll have been here for 9 hours, since we had to bring our clocks back an hour.
I've been sleeping longer, but I still need to get my black-out curtains up in my new place. That, combined with ambient music, will help me sleep less fitfully. I need to find my incense, too.
The headaches are pretty bad lately, too. I have medicine for them, but it makes me feel high. I'm not about to take it before going to work or school again.
Right now, my biggest physical complaint is the fact that I'm having stomach cramps. I had beans and rice before coming to work.
My non-physical complaint is that I miss Dawn and Stacy. I love them and worry about them (for unspecified reasons). I miss the way Dawn holds me and makes the rest of the world melt away, and the way that Stacy looks so content when she curls up between us. Dawn agrees with me, too: Stacy's a great kisser! When the time comes, we should all enjoy these things with more frequency.
I wish we could get Stacy into WoW. With people I care about living out of town, it's cool to have a place online to virtually hang out. My rogue is now level 68, and my mage is level 19. My mage and her level 17 hunter adventure together. I keep trying to improve my tailoring skill, so I can get a flying carpet at the appropriate level.
I met someone at school who games. She's interested in playing a Nordic-inspired D&D campaign. So, with my old neighbor, Jordon, another guy, and the girl from class, that's four players.
I finally got "Heroes of Might and Magic IV" for Windows 7. I remember being shown how to play III, and it seemed like a fantasy version of Risk.
I'm getting so tired right now. It's time to start paperwork.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Bored at work.
Stacy made it back home, and Dawn and I worried about her the whole way. She was heading into the path of a snowstorm. She called while on the road and said "I am literally racing the storm" and said repeatedly that she loves me. That was the last I had heard from her until she pulled into the complex where she lives, sat outside while smoking and telling me that when she stopped for a nap, she curled up with her pillow and smelled it, and it smelled like me and Dawn. I thought I was the only one that turned sappy; I curl up with the blanket she used as a wrap when she would get up for a smoke, a drink, and breakfast when she was here; and I even drew a Valentine heart, with three sets of initials, on the back of my notebook. Dawn said that, since she doesn't get so sappy when she's in love, it's my and Stacy's job to be sappy enough for her, too. I miss them both so much right now.
Speaking of hearing from them, I set up my phone so they have their own caller ID pic and ringtone. Being my mistress, Dawn gets the chorus from Nine Inch Nails' "Closer," and a picture of her in a gold sequined shirt. Stacy gets the chorus from Type O-Negative's "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend," and a picture of her standing in a black shawl in front of my purple Celtic knot tapestry, smoking a cigarette. I miss that taste.
Dawn and I talked Friday and yesterday about the new development, and each of our relations with the others. In Stacy, I have someone I can take care of; but conversely, in Dawn, I have someone who can look after me. In both of us, Dawn can express her love for both genders. In Dawn, Stacy can see a life with fewer restrictions; in me, she can see a life unplugged from the control systems imposed by the toxic elements of life.
I got paid on Friday and I got two Nebelhexe albums and I now have every VNV Nation release. Getting music in the digital age is a hell of a lot easier now that there are fewer physical CDs; and there's no skip... and there's no skip... and there's no skip... and there's no skipping.
Dawn and I played WoW in the evening. She's at 12 now, and I'm at 15. When she gets to 15, too, we're going dungeon delving. We'll level up faster that way. The son of my friend's neighbor was extremely over-excited about Mists of Pandaria. After my second shift, I'm going to play more with her. We're going to make our way back to Stormwind. She accidently hearthed back to Shadowglen, Teldrassil.
Speaking of hearing from them, I set up my phone so they have their own caller ID pic and ringtone. Being my mistress, Dawn gets the chorus from Nine Inch Nails' "Closer," and a picture of her in a gold sequined shirt. Stacy gets the chorus from Type O-Negative's "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend," and a picture of her standing in a black shawl in front of my purple Celtic knot tapestry, smoking a cigarette. I miss that taste.
Dawn and I talked Friday and yesterday about the new development, and each of our relations with the others. In Stacy, I have someone I can take care of; but conversely, in Dawn, I have someone who can look after me. In both of us, Dawn can express her love for both genders. In Dawn, Stacy can see a life with fewer restrictions; in me, she can see a life unplugged from the control systems imposed by the toxic elements of life.
I got paid on Friday and I got two Nebelhexe albums and I now have every VNV Nation release. Getting music in the digital age is a hell of a lot easier now that there are fewer physical CDs; and there's no skip... and there's no skip... and there's no skip... and there's no skipping.
Dawn and I played WoW in the evening. She's at 12 now, and I'm at 15. When she gets to 15, too, we're going dungeon delving. We'll level up faster that way. The son of my friend's neighbor was extremely over-excited about Mists of Pandaria. After my second shift, I'm going to play more with her. We're going to make our way back to Stormwind. She accidently hearthed back to Shadowglen, Teldrassil.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
The visit.
Both Dawn and Stacy have been a delight. But, because of recent events, my lovelife has taken an interesting turn. I wish Facebook had "It's really fucking complicated" as a relationship status. Peter Steele would have described it best: "My girlfriend's girlfriend, she's my girl, too." I've kind of fallen for Stacy. She's a lot of fun and is a great kisser. Also, she's a switch.
The girl from the office came to get Trakl yesterday. I need to get my breathing environment in order, and Stacy's also allergic to cats. I didn't think that I was until my doctor said I was, and I realized that the last time I ended up in the hospital was when my roommates had two cats, and my breathing got worse when I hung out with a friend who had a few cats.
It was a little stressful getting the party together yesterday, but it ended up being good. I tried to go get a friend, but I couldn't find the way to get to her, and no one was around to give me directions. I can never find Cannonball Bridge without someone telling me where it is. The Brujah, Jordon, showed up just as Stacy and I were getting into the shower (A make-out session with water cascading over us? Don't mind if I do!). He seemed curious when he found out what was happening. I couldn't help myself, and I said "I'm Sheenin' it!"
No one else answered the party invitation. At least there's still a shit-ton of bean-dip, Doritos, meatballs (5-generation long authentic-Italian recipe), and cake left. Not to mention Kalua, Creme de Cocao, and Clear Spring (not used for cooking) left. I drank just a little bit earlier in the day, so I could sleep it off with a nap, since I couldn't get my birthday night off.
It's early Wednesday morning. I was going to just write this blog and publish it in a few hours, but I think I'll do another extended one that will talk about the next two days as they unfold. I'm at work, and the usual weekday morning routine is in full swing. I'll get off of here, and write more after class and a nap with my snuggle partners.
I didn't get the chance to blog more before this late afternoon. I've been... um... busy. That's all I'll say about that. iUsa la imaginacion! I lost track of time; I'm supposed to be in a meeting at school, but I just woke up. Shit... I just realized, I told some people in my guild I'd be on WoW today. Due to the fact that I had to work on my birthday, I decided to break my celebration in half, and celebrate more today. I probably won't drink after this next drink. Tomorrow, on my scheduled day off, I'm going to sit alone and contemplate being 35 with the rest of the Clear Spring and the PS3.
I just took a nap, and I feel refreshed. I feel like I just have three hours to be with these two people I love, because I have to work tonight, and tomorrow will be spent helping them pack before they go back up north. This hurts, because I know I'm going to miss them so fucking much. I never thought that I would be involved in a polyamorous relationship, let alone an interstate one; the heartache caused by the absence will be doubled. But despite that, I don't think I'd ever want to let either of these two go. I love Dawn's warmth of spirit, feeling of acceptance and belonging she gives me, vibrant pallor in the dim light, and nice soft feel when I hold her. And I love this radiant smile that Stacy gets when she looks at me when we interact closely--our noses just an inch apart, her steel-blue eyes looking at me lovingly, her deep voice and east-coast accent that send chills up my spine, and even the taste of cigarettes on her breath when we passionately kiss. They need to come back soon. Very soon.
I'm at work, and I am bored. I forgot about blogging until just now. Stacy reads it as I'm writing it, and she loves it. She says I'm a good writer. I'm going to miss her so much, but not more or less than Dawn. I just know it will be a little more difficult for Stacy to visit, since she doesn't live just one state away, like Dawn does. As soon as I get home, we plan on turning our phones off and spending time together, just us. They don't argue with people back at their respective homes, and I don't try to obsessively coordinate and confirm all the other events, like work and school. Basically, the rule will be that we don't talk to people who are not physically with us. We'll make that time count. In a few minutes, it will be time to get the house moving this morning, so I'll have to blog more later.
This morning has been going very well. Stacy and I , being two souls that hurt, have been talking and finding a lot of common ground. Within a short while, I've fallen in love with her almost as much as I've fallen in love with Dawn. She hurts, and I'll use my skills as a wordsmith to reveal a new way of looking at things, and then she'll cry. But often, people who see a truth will be upset because the right words make the problem stand out. Then I will say something from the heart as far as how I feel about her or how she should be treated better, and she will give me that gorgeous smile and her steel-blue eyes will light up.
We've pretty much packed, and we've taken pictures. This hurts. I'm going to miss them so much. Soon after starting this paragraph, we've decided that we have to get them moving.
They're on their way back up north. As I figured, I'm hurting. But, I have to remember, there are people in this world who lack the love of one, let alone the endearing bond that comes with the love of two; I have to remember to thank Circumstance and/or Providence for crossing paths with two beautiful souls. I'm going to take a nap. Maybe sleep will abate the pain.
I went to my newspaper meeting this afternoon, then I wanted to find Kitten and talk to her about how I feel. I heard from Dawn and Stacy three times since they left. I'm curled up, but not covered, with the purple fleece blanket that Stacy used to wrap herself up in when she got up to have a smoke and a drink this morning. Needless to say, I've fallen hard. Dawn was hoping we all would, because she said she wanted a woman, too. I just heard from them. They just passed back into Michigan and we said our "I love you"s. Dawn said she felt her IQ go back up 10 points (she's not a fan of the pseudo-hillbilly culture with which Indiana has become synonymous).
On my way back from school, I was listening to VNV Nation's 'Burning Empires.' Knowing that neither of the women I love have good homelives--Stacy's being worse, and knowing that I would have to say goodbye to them in a few short hours, combined with the beauty and lyrical power of the music, I felt a cascade of emotion wanting to overwhelm me. Being a deist, I felt close to having a religious experience. The walk home felt exponentially longer as my logical side creaked and strained to hold it back. Mentally, I felt like the "Little Dutch Boy" holding his finger in the dam. I got home, and I saw Stacy gathering her things, and I quickly walked up to her and held her close. With tears streaming, I kissed her (the combination of booze and cigarettes never tasted sweeter), and said that one day we might have a place. I know that she's afraid of changing her current situation, so I held her while reciting "At first light, lay proud foundations. Sense the greatness that before you unfolds. Seek no more for hollow answers--answers that lay within you all along. Farewell to dawns seen through saddened eyes. Farewell to pasts, to sorrows chained. Forget your fears, and want no more. You will be strong, and want no more. You'll be adored, you will have everything. You will be strong and want no more. Forget your fears. You will have everything. And want no more." She pulled back and kissed me again. And we acknowledged that we'd miss each other because of the distance. Vladimir Mayakovsky came to mind, and I said "Neither quarrels nor miles can wash away love. It has been tested, checked. Solemnly raising indexed lined verse, I swear I love. Immutably, truly." That was meant for both of them to hear.
My sinuses have been acting up and the dander's been suffocating me. Everyone at the party kept asking me about it. And this morning, while just laying still, Dawn and Stacy were really concerned; the latter thinking it was her smoking. I just had another coughing jag. I think I'm going to take my inhaler, relax, and play some WoW or PS3.
It was a good visit, and I know that Dawn and Stacy are reading this at some point tonight or tomorrow. With that in mind, I'd like to say I love and adore you both, and I look forward to seeing you more in the future. <3 <3 Two hearts for my two beauties!
The girl from the office came to get Trakl yesterday. I need to get my breathing environment in order, and Stacy's also allergic to cats. I didn't think that I was until my doctor said I was, and I realized that the last time I ended up in the hospital was when my roommates had two cats, and my breathing got worse when I hung out with a friend who had a few cats.
It was a little stressful getting the party together yesterday, but it ended up being good. I tried to go get a friend, but I couldn't find the way to get to her, and no one was around to give me directions. I can never find Cannonball Bridge without someone telling me where it is. The Brujah, Jordon, showed up just as Stacy and I were getting into the shower (A make-out session with water cascading over us? Don't mind if I do!). He seemed curious when he found out what was happening. I couldn't help myself, and I said "I'm Sheenin' it!"
No one else answered the party invitation. At least there's still a shit-ton of bean-dip, Doritos, meatballs (5-generation long authentic-Italian recipe), and cake left. Not to mention Kalua, Creme de Cocao, and Clear Spring (not used for cooking) left. I drank just a little bit earlier in the day, so I could sleep it off with a nap, since I couldn't get my birthday night off.
It's early Wednesday morning. I was going to just write this blog and publish it in a few hours, but I think I'll do another extended one that will talk about the next two days as they unfold. I'm at work, and the usual weekday morning routine is in full swing. I'll get off of here, and write more after class and a nap with my snuggle partners.
I didn't get the chance to blog more before this late afternoon. I've been... um... busy. That's all I'll say about that. iUsa la imaginacion! I lost track of time; I'm supposed to be in a meeting at school, but I just woke up. Shit... I just realized, I told some people in my guild I'd be on WoW today. Due to the fact that I had to work on my birthday, I decided to break my celebration in half, and celebrate more today. I probably won't drink after this next drink. Tomorrow, on my scheduled day off, I'm going to sit alone and contemplate being 35 with the rest of the Clear Spring and the PS3.
I just took a nap, and I feel refreshed. I feel like I just have three hours to be with these two people I love, because I have to work tonight, and tomorrow will be spent helping them pack before they go back up north. This hurts, because I know I'm going to miss them so fucking much. I never thought that I would be involved in a polyamorous relationship, let alone an interstate one; the heartache caused by the absence will be doubled. But despite that, I don't think I'd ever want to let either of these two go. I love Dawn's warmth of spirit, feeling of acceptance and belonging she gives me, vibrant pallor in the dim light, and nice soft feel when I hold her. And I love this radiant smile that Stacy gets when she looks at me when we interact closely--our noses just an inch apart, her steel-blue eyes looking at me lovingly, her deep voice and east-coast accent that send chills up my spine, and even the taste of cigarettes on her breath when we passionately kiss. They need to come back soon. Very soon.
I'm at work, and I am bored. I forgot about blogging until just now. Stacy reads it as I'm writing it, and she loves it. She says I'm a good writer. I'm going to miss her so much, but not more or less than Dawn. I just know it will be a little more difficult for Stacy to visit, since she doesn't live just one state away, like Dawn does. As soon as I get home, we plan on turning our phones off and spending time together, just us. They don't argue with people back at their respective homes, and I don't try to obsessively coordinate and confirm all the other events, like work and school. Basically, the rule will be that we don't talk to people who are not physically with us. We'll make that time count. In a few minutes, it will be time to get the house moving this morning, so I'll have to blog more later.
This morning has been going very well. Stacy and I , being two souls that hurt, have been talking and finding a lot of common ground. Within a short while, I've fallen in love with her almost as much as I've fallen in love with Dawn. She hurts, and I'll use my skills as a wordsmith to reveal a new way of looking at things, and then she'll cry. But often, people who see a truth will be upset because the right words make the problem stand out. Then I will say something from the heart as far as how I feel about her or how she should be treated better, and she will give me that gorgeous smile and her steel-blue eyes will light up.
We've pretty much packed, and we've taken pictures. This hurts. I'm going to miss them so much. Soon after starting this paragraph, we've decided that we have to get them moving.
They're on their way back up north. As I figured, I'm hurting. But, I have to remember, there are people in this world who lack the love of one, let alone the endearing bond that comes with the love of two; I have to remember to thank Circumstance and/or Providence for crossing paths with two beautiful souls. I'm going to take a nap. Maybe sleep will abate the pain.
I went to my newspaper meeting this afternoon, then I wanted to find Kitten and talk to her about how I feel. I heard from Dawn and Stacy three times since they left. I'm curled up, but not covered, with the purple fleece blanket that Stacy used to wrap herself up in when she got up to have a smoke and a drink this morning. Needless to say, I've fallen hard. Dawn was hoping we all would, because she said she wanted a woman, too. I just heard from them. They just passed back into Michigan and we said our "I love you"s. Dawn said she felt her IQ go back up 10 points (she's not a fan of the pseudo-hillbilly culture with which Indiana has become synonymous).
On my way back from school, I was listening to VNV Nation's 'Burning Empires.' Knowing that neither of the women I love have good homelives--Stacy's being worse, and knowing that I would have to say goodbye to them in a few short hours, combined with the beauty and lyrical power of the music, I felt a cascade of emotion wanting to overwhelm me. Being a deist, I felt close to having a religious experience. The walk home felt exponentially longer as my logical side creaked and strained to hold it back. Mentally, I felt like the "Little Dutch Boy" holding his finger in the dam. I got home, and I saw Stacy gathering her things, and I quickly walked up to her and held her close. With tears streaming, I kissed her (the combination of booze and cigarettes never tasted sweeter), and said that one day we might have a place. I know that she's afraid of changing her current situation, so I held her while reciting "At first light, lay proud foundations. Sense the greatness that before you unfolds. Seek no more for hollow answers--answers that lay within you all along. Farewell to dawns seen through saddened eyes. Farewell to pasts, to sorrows chained. Forget your fears, and want no more. You will be strong, and want no more. You'll be adored, you will have everything. You will be strong and want no more. Forget your fears. You will have everything. And want no more." She pulled back and kissed me again. And we acknowledged that we'd miss each other because of the distance. Vladimir Mayakovsky came to mind, and I said "Neither quarrels nor miles can wash away love. It has been tested, checked. Solemnly raising indexed lined verse, I swear I love. Immutably, truly." That was meant for both of them to hear.
My sinuses have been acting up and the dander's been suffocating me. Everyone at the party kept asking me about it. And this morning, while just laying still, Dawn and Stacy were really concerned; the latter thinking it was her smoking. I just had another coughing jag. I think I'm going to take my inhaler, relax, and play some WoW or PS3.
It was a good visit, and I know that Dawn and Stacy are reading this at some point tonight or tomorrow. With that in mind, I'd like to say I love and adore you both, and I look forward to seeing you more in the future. <3 <3 Two hearts for my two beauties!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Countdown to tomorrow night.
It's Saturday, and I'm on the phone with Dawn while on WoW. She's got me on hold right now because Stacy called. Stacy got a late start because of some technical difficulties.
I played WoW a little bit ago with my main character, and I leveled up one entire level due to dungeon crawling. First was the Lower Bog, then the Mana Tomb. I raised 16 gold and got a companion, too; and it all happened in the matter of an hour and a half. Simply questing isn't doing much to make me gain levels anymore. 10000 XP used to mean something; now, it's just a drop in a bucket.
I'm taking a small WoW-break to talk to people on Facebook. I was going to look for some information that I needed, but I forgot I had that page open. Stacy's still on her way, and Dawn's cleaning up. Everything is in motion.
Nowadays, since I'm more mobile and I've discovered more portals, I'm in and out of the Outlands and all over Azeroth. I can be almost anyplace anytime on that game, except for Northrend. All I have to do is say "Fuck it! I need a change of scenery!" and I'm there. I have the info I need, so it's back to the game I go. The game... damn...
O.K., it's 8:50, and I didn't know I'd be as tired as I am now. I will take a short nap, then get ready for work.
I just woke up, and I'm getting ready for work. I am still hungry; didn't eat much, so I'm looking for something to bring with me to cook. Dawn called, and she said that Stacy's in Toledo, Ohio - a few hours away from her. Soon, I'll get good news. I am going to have some tea before I do anything else; fucking thirsty. I put on my "Rarities" compilation I put together by Soundgarden. I really listened to "Black Rain" for the first time, and it sounds like their mid-career work, especially Thayil's guitar, like around the time they made 'Louder Than Love'. I realized what I love about "grunge-era" rock music, other than the fact that it was the time when I first started exploring rock-n-roll. It was a grass-roots alternative revolution, like punk was. Only later did it get such a huge commercial push. Like, everyone knew the song "Black Hole Sun," but the Garden had three albums and a plethora of EPs before that. I will admit, though, I liked "Rusty Cage," and "Black Hole Sun" was the song that made me think "Yeah, I got to get into these guys." Anyway, it's time for me to get in gear.
So, I'm here on another slow night. At least I have some things to do to fill the time - dishes, bathroom. And I have a column to write for the school paper. For Halloween, I will write a column about Screamin' Jay Hawkins, the original shock rocker. Also, I will write about something we've read in World Literature I.
Dawn just got a call. Stacy was passing through Ypsilanti (Iggy Pop's hometown).
And I can always do campaign notes for D&D. I want to work more on my Nordic campaign. I have this epic sorcerer lich, of white dragon heritage, who wields death and cold magic, is also a cleric of Falazure, whose followers are known as the Bleak Horde, and there are various factions therein, like the Legion of the Icy Dead, and various tribes of humans, orcs, ogres, and goblinoids. I want to make it so that a group of adventurers could begin at 1st level, dealing with low-level lackeys, and end up in epic levels, all within the same region of the campaign world.
I'm making a late dinner here, chicken soup. I like chicken, because it's such a versatile meat. I can make chili with it, put it in soup, make it with rice in various ways, or just have it plain. Dawn just got another call from Stacy.
I just read something about "Black Rain." It was recorded during the 'Badmotorfinger' sessions (I was a year off in my estimate), but it was reworked last year with equipment they didn't have 20 years ago.
Dawn just called. Stacy got lost while getting gas. We're both worried, because she's driving such a long distance to get from where she lives to where Dawn lives. I have such a headache right now, but turning down the brightness of the moniter worked wonders. It's almost 4, and we're still waiting for Stacy. The headache's subsiding.
It's 4:30, and Stacy's made it safely there. I'm going to do some homework and later, the end-of-shift paperwork.
I wrote my column and wrote a journal entry for World Lit I, and the paperwork for my shift is done. Now it's just a waiting game with my relief staff. I'm beat-tired and I want to go to sleep ASAP. Absolutely no WoW for me today, until I get home after my second shift. But then again, Dawn and Stacy should be there, and I want to be social. I need to be held and loved-on, anyway. I think can hear my relief staff now. Yep...
I'm home, I'm tired, and I'm going to keep my computer open and let some Youtube downloads do their thing while I sleep. Fucking drunk assholes outside are pissing me off. Every few seconds it's "Wooo!"
I just got up a little before 2, and that rat-bastard hillbilly piece of shit's still at it. Or at it again. Doesn't matter; he's still inconsiderate. I honestly wouldn't mind if his drunk ass stumbled out into the busy street. Like Bill Hicks said: "He's an idiot! He's dead. Good! We lost a moron? Fucking celebrate. There's one less moron in the world." I have to get ready for work, and for tonight.
I just talked to Dawn, and Stacy said hi. They're still in Michigan, but just one county on the other side of the state line. They plan on stopping for something to eat and gas. The way I see it, there's a good chance that I will be off work by the time they get here.
I'm at work, looking over some new things that I got. Pizza's on the menu for tonight. Since I've gotten compliments on my cooking, I would like to try more exotic dishes sometime. For instance, I wish I knew how to make Chinese (lo mein and chicken), Japanese (rice noodles and teriyaki fish), and Indian (dhal and tandoori chicken, but we need place to buy nan); but I don't know how it would go over with with the residents, since many might not have the chance to expand their pallates.
Looking over my latest shopping, I now have the entire series of "The Red Star," which is set in a "mythic Soviet Russia," as the creater, Christian Gosset, describes it. It is based on Russian folklore and military history, and reminiscent of post WW2, mixed with high technology and sorcery.
I also ordered the discography of Tor Lundvall. One of the albums also features Tony Wakeford, of Sol Invictus. Hooray for folk noir! Speaking of which, I have been looking everywhere for more Hagalaz' Runedance; I only have three of six albums.
It's now 6:08, and Dawn uploaded a pic to her Facebook. They've crossed the state line. I texted, and they called for directions.
As of 8:00, they're in Morocco (not the country, they didn't stumble into a portal). That's three and a half hours from here. I did the main duties here at work, and there's just a couple hours left. Right now, I'm shopping for some CDs by Nebelhexe, another Andrea Haugen project. I should be able to pay for them on Friday. It's after 9, and they're almost in Terre Haute. That's 45 minutes to an hour. Now the countdown is driven more by excitement and less by worry at this point.
Something weird just happened. I got a phantom taste in my mouth. Tasted like bubblegum, then went away. I haven't chewed any since I can't remember. I'm looking it up right now, but I'm not getting any information about it.
While searching for "phantom taste" in Yahoo, I just listened to some Nebelhexe on Youtube; it's good goth rock. I'm always in the mood to listen to it all year round, but the desire is stronger this time of year. My ringtone is Tina Root of Switchblade Symphony, singing that line from the song "Witches," "Your dreams are filled with blood and gore; now they're right outside your door; they're gonna get you!" It kicks ass, because she sounds so cutesy and innocent if you just hear her voice, but the words sound horrific.
Less than an hour to go, and Jordon's showing me his Halloween costume with cellphone pics. He's going to be a Brujah kindred. I wish I had the resources to go as the Malkavian on the clanbook cover.
Twenty minutes left, and they're just passing Wabash Correctional. My paperwork is done, and all there is to do is wait.
Relief staff is here!
I played WoW a little bit ago with my main character, and I leveled up one entire level due to dungeon crawling. First was the Lower Bog, then the Mana Tomb. I raised 16 gold and got a companion, too; and it all happened in the matter of an hour and a half. Simply questing isn't doing much to make me gain levels anymore. 10000 XP used to mean something; now, it's just a drop in a bucket.
I'm taking a small WoW-break to talk to people on Facebook. I was going to look for some information that I needed, but I forgot I had that page open. Stacy's still on her way, and Dawn's cleaning up. Everything is in motion.
Nowadays, since I'm more mobile and I've discovered more portals, I'm in and out of the Outlands and all over Azeroth. I can be almost anyplace anytime on that game, except for Northrend. All I have to do is say "Fuck it! I need a change of scenery!" and I'm there. I have the info I need, so it's back to the game I go. The game... damn...
O.K., it's 8:50, and I didn't know I'd be as tired as I am now. I will take a short nap, then get ready for work.
I just woke up, and I'm getting ready for work. I am still hungry; didn't eat much, so I'm looking for something to bring with me to cook. Dawn called, and she said that Stacy's in Toledo, Ohio - a few hours away from her. Soon, I'll get good news. I am going to have some tea before I do anything else; fucking thirsty. I put on my "Rarities" compilation I put together by Soundgarden. I really listened to "Black Rain" for the first time, and it sounds like their mid-career work, especially Thayil's guitar, like around the time they made 'Louder Than Love'. I realized what I love about "grunge-era" rock music, other than the fact that it was the time when I first started exploring rock-n-roll. It was a grass-roots alternative revolution, like punk was. Only later did it get such a huge commercial push. Like, everyone knew the song "Black Hole Sun," but the Garden had three albums and a plethora of EPs before that. I will admit, though, I liked "Rusty Cage," and "Black Hole Sun" was the song that made me think "Yeah, I got to get into these guys." Anyway, it's time for me to get in gear.
So, I'm here on another slow night. At least I have some things to do to fill the time - dishes, bathroom. And I have a column to write for the school paper. For Halloween, I will write a column about Screamin' Jay Hawkins, the original shock rocker. Also, I will write about something we've read in World Literature I.
Dawn just got a call. Stacy was passing through Ypsilanti (Iggy Pop's hometown).
And I can always do campaign notes for D&D. I want to work more on my Nordic campaign. I have this epic sorcerer lich, of white dragon heritage, who wields death and cold magic, is also a cleric of Falazure, whose followers are known as the Bleak Horde, and there are various factions therein, like the Legion of the Icy Dead, and various tribes of humans, orcs, ogres, and goblinoids. I want to make it so that a group of adventurers could begin at 1st level, dealing with low-level lackeys, and end up in epic levels, all within the same region of the campaign world.
I'm making a late dinner here, chicken soup. I like chicken, because it's such a versatile meat. I can make chili with it, put it in soup, make it with rice in various ways, or just have it plain. Dawn just got another call from Stacy.
I just read something about "Black Rain." It was recorded during the 'Badmotorfinger' sessions (I was a year off in my estimate), but it was reworked last year with equipment they didn't have 20 years ago.
Dawn just called. Stacy got lost while getting gas. We're both worried, because she's driving such a long distance to get from where she lives to where Dawn lives. I have such a headache right now, but turning down the brightness of the moniter worked wonders. It's almost 4, and we're still waiting for Stacy. The headache's subsiding.
It's 4:30, and Stacy's made it safely there. I'm going to do some homework and later, the end-of-shift paperwork.
I wrote my column and wrote a journal entry for World Lit I, and the paperwork for my shift is done. Now it's just a waiting game with my relief staff. I'm beat-tired and I want to go to sleep ASAP. Absolutely no WoW for me today, until I get home after my second shift. But then again, Dawn and Stacy should be there, and I want to be social. I need to be held and loved-on, anyway. I think can hear my relief staff now. Yep...
I'm home, I'm tired, and I'm going to keep my computer open and let some Youtube downloads do their thing while I sleep. Fucking drunk assholes outside are pissing me off. Every few seconds it's "Wooo!"
I just got up a little before 2, and that rat-bastard hillbilly piece of shit's still at it. Or at it again. Doesn't matter; he's still inconsiderate. I honestly wouldn't mind if his drunk ass stumbled out into the busy street. Like Bill Hicks said: "He's an idiot! He's dead. Good! We lost a moron? Fucking celebrate. There's one less moron in the world." I have to get ready for work, and for tonight.
I just talked to Dawn, and Stacy said hi. They're still in Michigan, but just one county on the other side of the state line. They plan on stopping for something to eat and gas. The way I see it, there's a good chance that I will be off work by the time they get here.
I'm at work, looking over some new things that I got. Pizza's on the menu for tonight. Since I've gotten compliments on my cooking, I would like to try more exotic dishes sometime. For instance, I wish I knew how to make Chinese (lo mein and chicken), Japanese (rice noodles and teriyaki fish), and Indian (dhal and tandoori chicken, but we need place to buy nan); but I don't know how it would go over with with the residents, since many might not have the chance to expand their pallates.
Looking over my latest shopping, I now have the entire series of "The Red Star," which is set in a "mythic Soviet Russia," as the creater, Christian Gosset, describes it. It is based on Russian folklore and military history, and reminiscent of post WW2, mixed with high technology and sorcery.
I also ordered the discography of Tor Lundvall. One of the albums also features Tony Wakeford, of Sol Invictus. Hooray for folk noir! Speaking of which, I have been looking everywhere for more Hagalaz' Runedance; I only have three of six albums.
It's now 6:08, and Dawn uploaded a pic to her Facebook. They've crossed the state line. I texted, and they called for directions.
As of 8:00, they're in Morocco (not the country, they didn't stumble into a portal). That's three and a half hours from here. I did the main duties here at work, and there's just a couple hours left. Right now, I'm shopping for some CDs by Nebelhexe, another Andrea Haugen project. I should be able to pay for them on Friday. It's after 9, and they're almost in Terre Haute. That's 45 minutes to an hour. Now the countdown is driven more by excitement and less by worry at this point.
Something weird just happened. I got a phantom taste in my mouth. Tasted like bubblegum, then went away. I haven't chewed any since I can't remember. I'm looking it up right now, but I'm not getting any information about it.
While searching for "phantom taste" in Yahoo, I just listened to some Nebelhexe on Youtube; it's good goth rock. I'm always in the mood to listen to it all year round, but the desire is stronger this time of year. My ringtone is Tina Root of Switchblade Symphony, singing that line from the song "Witches," "Your dreams are filled with blood and gore; now they're right outside your door; they're gonna get you!" It kicks ass, because she sounds so cutesy and innocent if you just hear her voice, but the words sound horrific.
Less than an hour to go, and Jordon's showing me his Halloween costume with cellphone pics. He's going to be a Brujah kindred. I wish I had the resources to go as the Malkavian on the clanbook cover.
Twenty minutes left, and they're just passing Wabash Correctional. My paperwork is done, and all there is to do is wait.
Relief staff is here!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Work, school, and geek news over a day.
I went to a meeting yesterday at work. After the meeting, I was given compliments on my work. In addition, I was given a compliment about my cooking when I work in the home in the afternoons. That boosted my confidence. The only disappointing news is that I have to work on Thanksgiving. However, I will be working a double shift on the holiday. I had plans to go to Indianapolis, but I will have to do that on Christmas, because my friends up there celebrate for two weeks. Work can schedule me on Christmas all they want. That's one of the perks of being a deist (or an atheist or agnostic, for that matter): you don't get as butthurt when you have to work on religious holidays.
I found out the main reason why my midterm grades aren't where I'd like them to be. Well, for one thing, I didn't expect to get A's and B's, because being sick and injured has taken a toll on my attendance. But I also found that with missing school comes missing information that I should have gotten while in school, like discussion board postings and journal assignments for World Literature I. In that class, though, I got a C on my midterm paper and the test. In fact, I was told today that I am one of the few that got a passing grade on the exam. Speaking of exams, I am about to take my Communications Law exam. My day has been crammed with notes and school. I even briefly got on World of Warcraft, just to tell my guild that I would probably be out for the rest of the day. Text time. I will write more after, but I will keep this blog open.
I believe I may have kicked ass on it. Two essay questions, and I told the teacher how it is. In the first, I defined and gave courtcase examples of, the difference between negligence and malice, when it comes to libel. In the second, when asked what would protect people when they submit their work to publishing companies, since there is no copyright law regarding ideas. I said that people should always enter a contract with that company; that way, when their ideas are stolen, they could sue over breech of contract. BAM! Win! I'm getting a headache and I'm hungry. I'm heading home for some spaghetti and a nap. I'm keeping the blog open, though.
I'm back home relaxing while the 'sghetti's cooking. This gout flare is finally subsiding, and just in time, too. My right foot's now hurting from the strain of limping around. Trakl keeps trying to lay at my feet, too. It wouldn't be so bad, but he's a big cat, and he doesn't just gently lay down, he flops. I want to play WoW, but I know that I will lose track of time, and I don't want to be late oversleeping.
Speaking of WoW, my main character, the night-elf assassination/subtly rogue, finally got the flightmaster's license, and can fly anywhere now. That makes me has happyface! I just remembered, I need to get poisons. Those make me so effective against multiple targets. I just fight someone until they run, then the poison finishes them off while I'm onto the next poor sap. Oh, yeah! New expansion announced! Mists of Pandaria! It's Oriental-flavored! YEY! New race - pandaren, new class - monk, new level cap - 90, and a new continent - Pandaria. I'm hungry and need to rest for work. I'm going to finish cooking, then I'm going to nap. I'm thinking of keeping this blog open for the day, maybe even at work.
I just woke up to a coughing jag. This bronchitis shit better not be coming back. Dawn's coming down in a few days, and she's bringing a friend, and I want to be at some semblance of healthy. We're on the phone and talking smack. She says she's going to whip my ass when she gets here. I'm looking over what I can about Mists of Pandaria, and the only thing that I'm not too keen on is the revamping of talent trees. I don't know if this means that my rogue will have to be revamped or what, because I love what I can do with him right now. Also, I just learned that some giant island-turtle is involved. Tomorrow, after work, I'm going to use the Dungeon Finder, because I need to rack up some gold. Shit, I have to get going.
I made it on time. The house is quiet; most chores are done. Nights on the weekends are often boring. On my way here, I listened to Clutch, and I am convinced that Tim Sult is a guitar virtuoso bad-ass. Speaking of music, I love the fall in an old town like Vincennes. While walking to school and walking around to take fall pictures, I've been in the mood to listen to gothic rock, like Sisters of Mercy, Switchblade Symphony, and Inkubus/Sukkubus. Despite the fact that my appreciation of music transcends language barriers, borders, and time, deep down I have an abiding love for the gothic asthetic; I guess I'm a goth at heart, even if I don't look the part. I'd like to one day try to walk around older cities in the fall, like Salem, Mass. or Providence, R.I., where H.P. Lovecraft was buried.
I'm talking to Dawn right now. I miss her and she misses me. We're also looking forward to seeing our friend, Stacy (alias). I've seen Stacy's pics, and I think she's adorable. That's the beauty of to bi-sexuals dating; they both check out people of both sexes. Come Sunday night, I might have TWO snuggle-partners! YEY!
I just got off the phone with Dawn, and I'm going to do some notes for my World Literature I class. We have to write a little bit about everything we're reading. We've been reading a bit about the Bible; and when it comes to religion, I like to look at it through a rational deist's perspective, so that's how I will write. I got compliments from my professor about the subject matter of my midterm paper, although it wasn't cited well. I compared and contrasted the flood in the Epic of Gilgamesh with that in Genesis. But, in addition, I also offered an explanation as to why so many cultures worldwide have flood stories. Some of which are from island cultures, like the Maori; but none of the landlocked cultures who have flood stories lived in the southern hemisphere. I came to the conclusion that, during the last Ice Age, the first tribes settled in the areas from where the water receded when it froze. When the Ice Age thawed, those lands would have flooded.
Before I do the writing for Dante, I'm going to start playing some "Dante's Inferno." I've talked a little bit with my professor about how, as a gamer, I can relate to much of the mythical and legendary works we're reading, since they have inspired the games I play; I will write much from a gamer's perspective, too. I'll blog more after I write a little bit.
I did an assignment and a few chores. Now there's nothing to do but blog and listen to reruns on the TV. I'm happy to say that I had little to no limping. I still have that cramp in my right foot. I'm getting geared up for Dawn and Stacy's visit. I'm thinking of doing another day-long blog leading up to them getting here. I guess I'm making up for lost time not blogging. As a budding jounalist/writer who wants to enjoy life more, I need to blog. Stacy should be in Michigan by this evening, and they're leaving for Indiana at 12 or so tomorrow. I have to do some paperwork now. And I'm going to wrap up this blog, since I will be sleeping as soon as I get home. No WoW until I wake up.
I found out the main reason why my midterm grades aren't where I'd like them to be. Well, for one thing, I didn't expect to get A's and B's, because being sick and injured has taken a toll on my attendance. But I also found that with missing school comes missing information that I should have gotten while in school, like discussion board postings and journal assignments for World Literature I. In that class, though, I got a C on my midterm paper and the test. In fact, I was told today that I am one of the few that got a passing grade on the exam. Speaking of exams, I am about to take my Communications Law exam. My day has been crammed with notes and school. I even briefly got on World of Warcraft, just to tell my guild that I would probably be out for the rest of the day. Text time. I will write more after, but I will keep this blog open.
I believe I may have kicked ass on it. Two essay questions, and I told the teacher how it is. In the first, I defined and gave courtcase examples of, the difference between negligence and malice, when it comes to libel. In the second, when asked what would protect people when they submit their work to publishing companies, since there is no copyright law regarding ideas. I said that people should always enter a contract with that company; that way, when their ideas are stolen, they could sue over breech of contract. BAM! Win! I'm getting a headache and I'm hungry. I'm heading home for some spaghetti and a nap. I'm keeping the blog open, though.
I'm back home relaxing while the 'sghetti's cooking. This gout flare is finally subsiding, and just in time, too. My right foot's now hurting from the strain of limping around. Trakl keeps trying to lay at my feet, too. It wouldn't be so bad, but he's a big cat, and he doesn't just gently lay down, he flops. I want to play WoW, but I know that I will lose track of time, and I don't want to be late oversleeping.
Speaking of WoW, my main character, the night-elf assassination/subtly rogue, finally got the flightmaster's license, and can fly anywhere now. That makes me has happyface! I just remembered, I need to get poisons. Those make me so effective against multiple targets. I just fight someone until they run, then the poison finishes them off while I'm onto the next poor sap. Oh, yeah! New expansion announced! Mists of Pandaria! It's Oriental-flavored! YEY! New race - pandaren, new class - monk, new level cap - 90, and a new continent - Pandaria. I'm hungry and need to rest for work. I'm going to finish cooking, then I'm going to nap. I'm thinking of keeping this blog open for the day, maybe even at work.
I just woke up to a coughing jag. This bronchitis shit better not be coming back. Dawn's coming down in a few days, and she's bringing a friend, and I want to be at some semblance of healthy. We're on the phone and talking smack. She says she's going to whip my ass when she gets here. I'm looking over what I can about Mists of Pandaria, and the only thing that I'm not too keen on is the revamping of talent trees. I don't know if this means that my rogue will have to be revamped or what, because I love what I can do with him right now. Also, I just learned that some giant island-turtle is involved. Tomorrow, after work, I'm going to use the Dungeon Finder, because I need to rack up some gold. Shit, I have to get going.
I made it on time. The house is quiet; most chores are done. Nights on the weekends are often boring. On my way here, I listened to Clutch, and I am convinced that Tim Sult is a guitar virtuoso bad-ass. Speaking of music, I love the fall in an old town like Vincennes. While walking to school and walking around to take fall pictures, I've been in the mood to listen to gothic rock, like Sisters of Mercy, Switchblade Symphony, and Inkubus/Sukkubus. Despite the fact that my appreciation of music transcends language barriers, borders, and time, deep down I have an abiding love for the gothic asthetic; I guess I'm a goth at heart, even if I don't look the part. I'd like to one day try to walk around older cities in the fall, like Salem, Mass. or Providence, R.I., where H.P. Lovecraft was buried.
I'm talking to Dawn right now. I miss her and she misses me. We're also looking forward to seeing our friend, Stacy (alias). I've seen Stacy's pics, and I think she's adorable. That's the beauty of to bi-sexuals dating; they both check out people of both sexes. Come Sunday night, I might have TWO snuggle-partners! YEY!
I just got off the phone with Dawn, and I'm going to do some notes for my World Literature I class. We have to write a little bit about everything we're reading. We've been reading a bit about the Bible; and when it comes to religion, I like to look at it through a rational deist's perspective, so that's how I will write. I got compliments from my professor about the subject matter of my midterm paper, although it wasn't cited well. I compared and contrasted the flood in the Epic of Gilgamesh with that in Genesis. But, in addition, I also offered an explanation as to why so many cultures worldwide have flood stories. Some of which are from island cultures, like the Maori; but none of the landlocked cultures who have flood stories lived in the southern hemisphere. I came to the conclusion that, during the last Ice Age, the first tribes settled in the areas from where the water receded when it froze. When the Ice Age thawed, those lands would have flooded.
Before I do the writing for Dante, I'm going to start playing some "Dante's Inferno." I've talked a little bit with my professor about how, as a gamer, I can relate to much of the mythical and legendary works we're reading, since they have inspired the games I play; I will write much from a gamer's perspective, too. I'll blog more after I write a little bit.
I did an assignment and a few chores. Now there's nothing to do but blog and listen to reruns on the TV. I'm happy to say that I had little to no limping. I still have that cramp in my right foot. I'm getting geared up for Dawn and Stacy's visit. I'm thinking of doing another day-long blog leading up to them getting here. I guess I'm making up for lost time not blogging. As a budding jounalist/writer who wants to enjoy life more, I need to blog. Stacy should be in Michigan by this evening, and they're leaving for Indiana at 12 or so tomorrow. I have to do some paperwork now. And I'm going to wrap up this blog, since I will be sleeping as soon as I get home. No WoW until I wake up.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
First blog in a while.
A lot has happened since I blogged last. I moved into a much more comfortable, more claustrophobic-friendly apartment. I'm renting in a newly-acquired apartment building from my old landlady, and I love it. The people that moved out above me (just before I moved in) left two cats behind, and I started fostering them when I moved in. The female I named Rasputina, the male I named Trakl. But my doctor made the connection between my breathing problems (I've been having them lately) and cats around. I had two roommates a year and a half ago, and they had cats. That was the last time I went into the hospital for asthma. I've gotten rid of Rasputina, and Trakl is soon to follow.
I'm fed up with health problems. Mental health/depression plagued me early last year, as it always does between January and March. And allergies/bronchitis is fucking with me now. In addition, I'm getting through gout.
Another change that's happened is in my personal relationships. I lost touch with most people from high school, but thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with Dawn (alias). I started talking to her around the time that I blogged last.
Soon after reconnecting with Dawn, my doll and I had a falling out. I hadn't heard much from her in over a month and a half. I'm not going to say what all went into it, but suffice it to say, I am glad that I am such a political junkie, because I have become a better bullshit detector that I'd otherwise might be.
During the time soon after I lost touch with Tiffany, while I was going through a transition period from the old place to the new, Dawn and I developed a romantic relationship. She's come to visit three times now. I've fallen for her, and we've established roles. When it comes to the romantic aspects, she is my mistress, and I'm her sub; and I love it!
Also, during the time since I blogged last, I found the word that defines what Tiffany and I have had: "flirtationship." It's considered what you have when it's closer than just a friendship, but it's not quite a relationship. Recently, I noticed that I've gotten a few Facebook app requests from her. I was thinking of ignoring them and not sending any in return, because I was upset with what had gone on, but Dawn said that she wanted me to return the requests in kind. I said "You know that what we had is referred to as a flirtationship, right? We were more than 'just buds.'" She said "I understand, but it's fine with me." Dawn said that she took that stance because she saw my '30 Day Photo Challenge,' and in my 'picture of someone you can't imagine your life without,' I made a collage which included Tiffany. So, Dawn didn't want me to completely shut her out.
I got Dawn to try WoW again. I'm using my 14th-level Drenei mage to adventure with her. I've just been playing since, I think, May so I don't know what it's like to play all year long, but I do know there's many holidays that are in the game, which correspond with real-life events. So far, I've seen the mid-Summer Fire Festival, and I love what they've done for Hallow's End. A player can go into an inn and pull a handful of candy out of a pumpkin, and maybe get polymorphed. This afternoon, after my appointment and she gets chores done, we have a date in Stormwind.
I'm hoping to have a gaming group together around the time of mid-winter. I now have the core rulebook for Pathfinder, and I've decided to make a big change in my D&D world. If players want to play a sorcerer, they will have to use the class feature description from Pathfinder, not D&D Player's Handbook, altough they will still use the spells as normal. The sorcerers for Pathfinder make use of a wide variety of possible bloodlines.
I'm thinking of getting into the newest Magic: The Gathering set, Innistrad. I understand that it has a horror theme. I was thinking that, since they revisted Mirrodin with the last expansion block, they should have another one that revists Ravnica.
In work news, I found out why I had been missing meetings. When we sign into work, we get notifications. We're all supposed to rely on this system for reporting work and getting needed notifications. The problem is that the system is unreliable. I wasn't getting all my notices, and I wasn't the only one. The good news is that I brought this to my boss' attention, and I'm off the hook for missing meetings. I mentioned the fact that whenever I do show up for a meeting is when she has mentioned it to me in passing in a conversation. So, to get around this technical difficulty, I'm just going to call my boss every Monday morning to see if there are any meetings.
Speaking of work, I'm there right now, and I've been writing this blog off and on throughout the night. It's now time to get the day started.
I'm fed up with health problems. Mental health/depression plagued me early last year, as it always does between January and March. And allergies/bronchitis is fucking with me now. In addition, I'm getting through gout.
Another change that's happened is in my personal relationships. I lost touch with most people from high school, but thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with Dawn (alias). I started talking to her around the time that I blogged last.
Soon after reconnecting with Dawn, my doll and I had a falling out. I hadn't heard much from her in over a month and a half. I'm not going to say what all went into it, but suffice it to say, I am glad that I am such a political junkie, because I have become a better bullshit detector that I'd otherwise might be.
During the time soon after I lost touch with Tiffany, while I was going through a transition period from the old place to the new, Dawn and I developed a romantic relationship. She's come to visit three times now. I've fallen for her, and we've established roles. When it comes to the romantic aspects, she is my mistress, and I'm her sub; and I love it!
Also, during the time since I blogged last, I found the word that defines what Tiffany and I have had: "flirtationship." It's considered what you have when it's closer than just a friendship, but it's not quite a relationship. Recently, I noticed that I've gotten a few Facebook app requests from her. I was thinking of ignoring them and not sending any in return, because I was upset with what had gone on, but Dawn said that she wanted me to return the requests in kind. I said "You know that what we had is referred to as a flirtationship, right? We were more than 'just buds.'" She said "I understand, but it's fine with me." Dawn said that she took that stance because she saw my '30 Day Photo Challenge,' and in my 'picture of someone you can't imagine your life without,' I made a collage which included Tiffany. So, Dawn didn't want me to completely shut her out.
I got Dawn to try WoW again. I'm using my 14th-level Drenei mage to adventure with her. I've just been playing since, I think, May so I don't know what it's like to play all year long, but I do know there's many holidays that are in the game, which correspond with real-life events. So far, I've seen the mid-Summer Fire Festival, and I love what they've done for Hallow's End. A player can go into an inn and pull a handful of candy out of a pumpkin, and maybe get polymorphed. This afternoon, after my appointment and she gets chores done, we have a date in Stormwind.
I'm hoping to have a gaming group together around the time of mid-winter. I now have the core rulebook for Pathfinder, and I've decided to make a big change in my D&D world. If players want to play a sorcerer, they will have to use the class feature description from Pathfinder, not D&D Player's Handbook, altough they will still use the spells as normal. The sorcerers for Pathfinder make use of a wide variety of possible bloodlines.
I'm thinking of getting into the newest Magic: The Gathering set, Innistrad. I understand that it has a horror theme. I was thinking that, since they revisted Mirrodin with the last expansion block, they should have another one that revists Ravnica.
In work news, I found out why I had been missing meetings. When we sign into work, we get notifications. We're all supposed to rely on this system for reporting work and getting needed notifications. The problem is that the system is unreliable. I wasn't getting all my notices, and I wasn't the only one. The good news is that I brought this to my boss' attention, and I'm off the hook for missing meetings. I mentioned the fact that whenever I do show up for a meeting is when she has mentioned it to me in passing in a conversation. So, to get around this technical difficulty, I'm just going to call my boss every Monday morning to see if there are any meetings.
Speaking of work, I'm there right now, and I've been writing this blog off and on throughout the night. It's now time to get the day started.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Why I quit VU Pride.
I figured that, since school will be starting within a month, I should clear up some old business, just to get things off my chest, and get ready to start anew. Last semester was my final semester as a member of Vincennes University's LGBT Pride club. And I feel that I need to say, even if it's just on a blog that no one reads, why I quit.
First off, the advisor of the group, for the most part, seemed to give off this feeling like he couldn't wait for me to get out of his sight, like he was barely putting up with my presence. I hate when people do that. I especially hate it when someone's supposed to lead a group of people who need acceptance more than most others. In addition, he was a language cop. Language cops piss me off to no fucking extent. If we're a group that's come together for an impassioned cause, why check out language at the door? I was almost pushed to the point where I screamed a Carlin classic: "Rat-shit, bat-shit, dirty old twat! 69 assholes tied in a knot! Hooray! Lizard-shit! FUCK!"
Second, this was supposed to be a group that raised awareness of issues and protest when necessary. All that happened was drama. Everyone sniped at everyone else because, most of them being young, none of them could keep their hormones in check. Someone was bound to get upset because someone else couldn't stay in a relationship long enough, or whatever else. No one could have a heartfelt conversation unless it pertained to the drama. I'd say something that came from the heart, and people would look at me as if I spoke Klingon.
Third, most of the people pissed me off. Half the time I had the urge to stand up and scream "Fuck y'all bitches!" To quote Katt Williams "I am allergic to stupid shit." The men (boys, more like) were cute, but the problem was that they knew they were cute. They acted like they were Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain, and that they were God's gift to all gay/bisexual men. I hate people like that. Vain and good-looking. The make me want to re-arrange their faces just to knock them down a peg or two. And most of the lesbians looked at me as if I grew another head that was spouting the most infernal profanities. I mean, they looked like they wanted to set me on fire. My fellow bisexuals could have taken or left me. Some acted like they were afraid of me, though. If Generation Y brats like this are the future of the LGBT movement, then the movement's not going anywhere.
First off, the advisor of the group, for the most part, seemed to give off this feeling like he couldn't wait for me to get out of his sight, like he was barely putting up with my presence. I hate when people do that. I especially hate it when someone's supposed to lead a group of people who need acceptance more than most others. In addition, he was a language cop. Language cops piss me off to no fucking extent. If we're a group that's come together for an impassioned cause, why check out language at the door? I was almost pushed to the point where I screamed a Carlin classic: "Rat-shit, bat-shit, dirty old twat! 69 assholes tied in a knot! Hooray! Lizard-shit! FUCK!"
Second, this was supposed to be a group that raised awareness of issues and protest when necessary. All that happened was drama. Everyone sniped at everyone else because, most of them being young, none of them could keep their hormones in check. Someone was bound to get upset because someone else couldn't stay in a relationship long enough, or whatever else. No one could have a heartfelt conversation unless it pertained to the drama. I'd say something that came from the heart, and people would look at me as if I spoke Klingon.
Third, most of the people pissed me off. Half the time I had the urge to stand up and scream "Fuck y'all bitches!" To quote Katt Williams "I am allergic to stupid shit." The men (boys, more like) were cute, but the problem was that they knew they were cute. They acted like they were Queen Shit of Fuck Mountain, and that they were God's gift to all gay/bisexual men. I hate people like that. Vain and good-looking. The make me want to re-arrange their faces just to knock them down a peg or two. And most of the lesbians looked at me as if I grew another head that was spouting the most infernal profanities. I mean, they looked like they wanted to set me on fire. My fellow bisexuals could have taken or left me. Some acted like they were afraid of me, though. If Generation Y brats like this are the future of the LGBT movement, then the movement's not going anywhere.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The weekend.
Nothing much happened Saturday, except I worked. After making a deal with a coworker to trade a few hours, I worked from 11 to 8 AM Saturday night, then came home for a few hours Sunday morning before going back for another 3 hours. While sleeping, I got a text from Tiffany, and she was on her way over with Kim. They came over and I ended up giving Kim a start on creating a D&D character. We thought it'd be a cool idea for me to come over and run a game at the campsite. But I had a few more hours to work, so I couldn't come over right away. After my few hours at work, I picked up some food from Jay C, and packed for the trip.
Sunday/Monday in Sumner, IL, was wonderful, despite a few awkward moments. Awkward moments are often compounded by my social awkwardness. There was sibling rivalry, chasing a missing husband, and other "fun" things.
Before dinner, while it was raining, Tiffany was excited to have me hold her son. I was nervous, at first. But once I had a good grip on him, she smiled. I started singing softly, going over the chorus to the Russian folk song "Kalinka" a few times, then I started singing "Lastlight," by VNV Nation. He started leaning into me. Tiffany's face was practically aglow, and she said to him. "He has a nice singing voice, huh?" She says I was having a calming effect on him. We had dinner, and I got thanks for bringing chicken.
We sat around the fire, and her grandma mentioned how great it was for all of us people to come together for one good night. That made me smile, because I often sit at home, feeling outcast from the rest of the world. A few people spoke in the silence, and as I was talking to Tiffany, I announced that I had just lost The Game (as I just did while writing this sentence). Some people at the camp were confused, and so she and I explained The Game to them.
The three of us sat up Sunday night after everyone else had gone to bed. I ran my D&D game. Tiffany, naturally, is a rogue; Kim is a ranger. We last left off with Kim's character in a medieval medical facility, after a failed attempt at jumping from rooftop to rooftop, in pursuit of a killer. An awkward moment came up when Tiffany's cousin and his girlfriend came in to bum a cigarette and smoke. They had to crowd in behind me, and I felt someone rubbing against me, so I was like "What's rubbing against me?" The girlfriend was like "That's me. My leg. Whoo-hoo!" And Tiffany gave her this stern stare and said "Stop it." For a brief moment, you could hear a pin drop on the muddy grass outside. Massively awkward... I felt guilty. After the cousin and girlfriend left, we continued gaming without distractions. They leveled up, and we went out to forage for food.
We walked out onto the dock and I was awestruck at the sight of the stars. They're hard to see in this day and age of street lights and air pollution. It struck a chord in me. I reached out and held onto Kim and Tiffany, watching God's creation unfold, as it has always done since the beginning. We roasted hotdogs and big marshmallows on sticks, then went back inside and went to sleep. There was a chain reaction of jumpiness. There was a clanging outside, and I twitched, which startled Tiffany, who twitched and hit Kim.
We were the only ones at camp when we woke up yesterday morning, Tiffany slept in, and Kim and I wandered the site. We tried to restoke the fire for breakfast, but to no avail. The material was too wet from the night before. I helped her level up her ranger, and she was happy that she now has the option to shoot either one arrow at +6, or two at +4 each. I went back inside to sleep a little longer. After which, I went for a swim in the pond, and it felt weird to have all that algae sticking to me. I had to wash up after I got out.
We had an interesting conversation while looking for something to eat. They talked about getting away from the area in a year or so, and they were urging me to come with them. Almost insisting, actually. I know that uprooting is difficult; but so is losing people you love dearly. I've done that way too many times lately.
We undertook a project. We went to where Tiffany was living to get her horse, Eclipse, to take to the pasture. On the way to the van, Betsy called. I said "I'm in Illinois, camping with my butch and my doll." Tiffany thought it was cute. The trip to get Eclipse was great. Tiffany even turned the radio down just to have me sing for them. It was nice, and I got calls for encores. We messily coordinated our efforts, and got the project done. I felt awkward again. Things felt odd since then. One funny incident happened that evening, though. Kim and I were waiting for Tiffany to ride to the clearing at the campground. We couldn't see her. All of a sudden, we hear "Kim, George!" She has this cute way of saying my name when she's being all sweet and innocent, pronouncing the 'r' with an 'a', sounding like 'Geoage'. Now, none of my friends reading this are allowed to do that, and I mean it! I'll whoop your asses. LOL But, anyway, we turned around, and there she was with Eclipse. She had taken a back entrance.
I got a call that I was supposed to be at work at 7:00 PM last night. I never found out about a schedule change, and I hate the feeling that I'm somehow supposed to know things when I'm not directly told. It's the same problem I have when working with people. It's like the old computer jargon phrase GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out). You can't input bad commands and expect good results. It's hard for me to help get things done. There was a lot of fear and anxiety wrapping up the trip. It was a good weekend, but it crashed--thanks, mostly, to my problematic reactions to all that happened around me.
Despite the fun and togetherness, I couldn't help this underlying feeling that would nag me. I feel invisible, inaudible, and intangible. And the world around me feels... fragile. The best way I can describe it is when you're about to complete the game "Riven: The Sequel to Myst." Before I continue that analogy, let me give a background story. The "Myst" series takes place on these worlds, known as Ages. They are created in a special way by writing Linking Books. But it has to have a stable writing matrix, or the world inside falls apart. Riven was such an Age, and all that was holding it together was an iron plate over a fissure. At the end of the second game, the first-person player has to crack the iron plate; and when this is done, the world starts collapsing in on itself. In times like this, I can feel the iron plate creaking. I know that this time, like others, things will balance out. I've been writing this entry off and on since last night, and so I'm going to go to sleep again.
Sunday/Monday in Sumner, IL, was wonderful, despite a few awkward moments. Awkward moments are often compounded by my social awkwardness. There was sibling rivalry, chasing a missing husband, and other "fun" things.
Before dinner, while it was raining, Tiffany was excited to have me hold her son. I was nervous, at first. But once I had a good grip on him, she smiled. I started singing softly, going over the chorus to the Russian folk song "Kalinka" a few times, then I started singing "Lastlight," by VNV Nation. He started leaning into me. Tiffany's face was practically aglow, and she said to him. "He has a nice singing voice, huh?" She says I was having a calming effect on him. We had dinner, and I got thanks for bringing chicken.
We sat around the fire, and her grandma mentioned how great it was for all of us people to come together for one good night. That made me smile, because I often sit at home, feeling outcast from the rest of the world. A few people spoke in the silence, and as I was talking to Tiffany, I announced that I had just lost The Game (as I just did while writing this sentence). Some people at the camp were confused, and so she and I explained The Game to them.
The three of us sat up Sunday night after everyone else had gone to bed. I ran my D&D game. Tiffany, naturally, is a rogue; Kim is a ranger. We last left off with Kim's character in a medieval medical facility, after a failed attempt at jumping from rooftop to rooftop, in pursuit of a killer. An awkward moment came up when Tiffany's cousin and his girlfriend came in to bum a cigarette and smoke. They had to crowd in behind me, and I felt someone rubbing against me, so I was like "What's rubbing against me?" The girlfriend was like "That's me. My leg. Whoo-hoo!" And Tiffany gave her this stern stare and said "Stop it." For a brief moment, you could hear a pin drop on the muddy grass outside. Massively awkward... I felt guilty. After the cousin and girlfriend left, we continued gaming without distractions. They leveled up, and we went out to forage for food.
We walked out onto the dock and I was awestruck at the sight of the stars. They're hard to see in this day and age of street lights and air pollution. It struck a chord in me. I reached out and held onto Kim and Tiffany, watching God's creation unfold, as it has always done since the beginning. We roasted hotdogs and big marshmallows on sticks, then went back inside and went to sleep. There was a chain reaction of jumpiness. There was a clanging outside, and I twitched, which startled Tiffany, who twitched and hit Kim.
We were the only ones at camp when we woke up yesterday morning, Tiffany slept in, and Kim and I wandered the site. We tried to restoke the fire for breakfast, but to no avail. The material was too wet from the night before. I helped her level up her ranger, and she was happy that she now has the option to shoot either one arrow at +6, or two at +4 each. I went back inside to sleep a little longer. After which, I went for a swim in the pond, and it felt weird to have all that algae sticking to me. I had to wash up after I got out.
We had an interesting conversation while looking for something to eat. They talked about getting away from the area in a year or so, and they were urging me to come with them. Almost insisting, actually. I know that uprooting is difficult; but so is losing people you love dearly. I've done that way too many times lately.
We undertook a project. We went to where Tiffany was living to get her horse, Eclipse, to take to the pasture. On the way to the van, Betsy called. I said "I'm in Illinois, camping with my butch and my doll." Tiffany thought it was cute. The trip to get Eclipse was great. Tiffany even turned the radio down just to have me sing for them. It was nice, and I got calls for encores. We messily coordinated our efforts, and got the project done. I felt awkward again. Things felt odd since then. One funny incident happened that evening, though. Kim and I were waiting for Tiffany to ride to the clearing at the campground. We couldn't see her. All of a sudden, we hear "Kim, George!" She has this cute way of saying my name when she's being all sweet and innocent, pronouncing the 'r' with an 'a', sounding like 'Geoage'. Now, none of my friends reading this are allowed to do that, and I mean it! I'll whoop your asses. LOL But, anyway, we turned around, and there she was with Eclipse. She had taken a back entrance.
I got a call that I was supposed to be at work at 7:00 PM last night. I never found out about a schedule change, and I hate the feeling that I'm somehow supposed to know things when I'm not directly told. It's the same problem I have when working with people. It's like the old computer jargon phrase GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out). You can't input bad commands and expect good results. It's hard for me to help get things done. There was a lot of fear and anxiety wrapping up the trip. It was a good weekend, but it crashed--thanks, mostly, to my problematic reactions to all that happened around me.
Despite the fun and togetherness, I couldn't help this underlying feeling that would nag me. I feel invisible, inaudible, and intangible. And the world around me feels... fragile. The best way I can describe it is when you're about to complete the game "Riven: The Sequel to Myst." Before I continue that analogy, let me give a background story. The "Myst" series takes place on these worlds, known as Ages. They are created in a special way by writing Linking Books. But it has to have a stable writing matrix, or the world inside falls apart. Riven was such an Age, and all that was holding it together was an iron plate over a fissure. At the end of the second game, the first-person player has to crack the iron plate; and when this is done, the world starts collapsing in on itself. In times like this, I can feel the iron plate creaking. I know that this time, like others, things will balance out. I've been writing this entry off and on since last night, and so I'm going to go to sleep again.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
This past week.
Monday or Tuesday, I received a friend request from a guy in Indianapolis. I checked out his profile and found him in his work uniform, with--lo and behold--my ex-wife's fake-smiling face and head leaning on his shoulder. She's done this a few times since I've blocked her last year or so; she'll have a friend of hers send me a friend request. Last year, she came to Vincennes with Husband #4 (she also had another boyfriend at the time--a true class act), and they were looking for me. They had this fake "He's our buddy, and we want to see how he is and where he lives" act. I tried the "just friends" thing after the divorce, but she was still controlling and hated the fact that I was attracted to other women. I was afraid that she would also try to get a hold of my female friends, especially Tiffany, my doll.
Speaking of big, pale-white, stubborn, pains-in-the-ass that don't do shit half the time, except cause me problems, I found out something about my car. It's so rusted underneath, any repair would cause more harm than good.
My real-life mount may suck, but I got a new one in World of Warcraft. I'm at level 60, and I'm exploring Outland on the back of an ebon griffon. But right now, I have so many quests lined up, I'm going to have to start declining them. I have noticed something in the game since I started playing. I don't find a lot of other players, unless I'm in Stormwind City. Very few other players respond when I speak to them. I did find a guy that I went orc-hunting with a few days ago, that had to leave, but I haven't seen him since then.
Tiffany's moved in with family, and I spent the day with her yesterday. We had lunch at McDonald's (but I never eat the burgers). Then we hung out and played with the internet.
Then we went and picked up dinner at WalMart--a few sandwiches and pops and went to the pond/campsite on her grandma's. She introduced me to her family, and they seemed nice. We had dinner and she showed me around the campsite. At one point, she smiled and said "They probably think you're my boyfriend." And I said "Well, they'd be right in recognizing the closeness. We do have an affectionate bond." At that, she nodded in full agreement.
She wants me to talk to a friend of hers to get a draft horse to keep with those her family has. She said that I should get a draft horse, because after I lose the weight, I'll still look good on it. We talked about my weight, she said it's coming along and not to worry. We also came to the agreement that I would be healthier, but also, easier to snuggle with, because she's often talked about wrapping her arms around me more easily since I started losing weight. But yeah, she wants me to get a horse there, because she wants me to come over all the time to go horseback riding with her.
She often hinted at wishing that I could spend the whole day and night camping with her and her family. I wish I could have, too. She said that her grandma seemed disappointed that I couldn't stay the night, and that she was a good judge of character.
We think we'll have more time to spend together, so she wants to teach me Yu-gi-oh, and I will teach her Magic. Also, she may need a refresher course on creating a D&D character, even if I could just put together a one-player campaign.
And in other news, my doll wants me to get piercings... I don't know what to say about it, but it will be something to be discussed.
I'm typing while at work, and I just got this craving for rice-noodles. I'm heading to Walgreen's at 11:00. I'll pick up all sorts of noodles... chow mein, soba, rice... damn, I still have 5 hours in this shift. While winding down, I might play some WoW, and send Tiffany a random emoticon just because (she likes roses).
Speaking of big, pale-white, stubborn, pains-in-the-ass that don't do shit half the time, except cause me problems, I found out something about my car. It's so rusted underneath, any repair would cause more harm than good.
My real-life mount may suck, but I got a new one in World of Warcraft. I'm at level 60, and I'm exploring Outland on the back of an ebon griffon. But right now, I have so many quests lined up, I'm going to have to start declining them. I have noticed something in the game since I started playing. I don't find a lot of other players, unless I'm in Stormwind City. Very few other players respond when I speak to them. I did find a guy that I went orc-hunting with a few days ago, that had to leave, but I haven't seen him since then.
Tiffany's moved in with family, and I spent the day with her yesterday. We had lunch at McDonald's (but I never eat the burgers). Then we hung out and played with the internet.
Then we went and picked up dinner at WalMart--a few sandwiches and pops and went to the pond/campsite on her grandma's. She introduced me to her family, and they seemed nice. We had dinner and she showed me around the campsite. At one point, she smiled and said "They probably think you're my boyfriend." And I said "Well, they'd be right in recognizing the closeness. We do have an affectionate bond." At that, she nodded in full agreement.
She wants me to talk to a friend of hers to get a draft horse to keep with those her family has. She said that I should get a draft horse, because after I lose the weight, I'll still look good on it. We talked about my weight, she said it's coming along and not to worry. We also came to the agreement that I would be healthier, but also, easier to snuggle with, because she's often talked about wrapping her arms around me more easily since I started losing weight. But yeah, she wants me to get a horse there, because she wants me to come over all the time to go horseback riding with her.
She often hinted at wishing that I could spend the whole day and night camping with her and her family. I wish I could have, too. She said that her grandma seemed disappointed that I couldn't stay the night, and that she was a good judge of character.
We think we'll have more time to spend together, so she wants to teach me Yu-gi-oh, and I will teach her Magic. Also, she may need a refresher course on creating a D&D character, even if I could just put together a one-player campaign.
And in other news, my doll wants me to get piercings... I don't know what to say about it, but it will be something to be discussed.
I'm typing while at work, and I just got this craving for rice-noodles. I'm heading to Walgreen's at 11:00. I'll pick up all sorts of noodles... chow mein, soba, rice... damn, I still have 5 hours in this shift. While winding down, I might play some WoW, and send Tiffany a random emoticon just because (she likes roses).
Monday, June 20, 2011
Family and Gaming this Sunday. And a little music.
Realizing that it was Father's Day yesterday, I noted to myself that I used to wish my mom a good one every year, because she was a single mom taking up both roles. I would also wish my uncle in Michigan one, because though he wasn't MY dad, he was A dad. With that in mind, I called him up. We spoke for a while, and I gave him my number and address. I hadn't contacted my family up there much because there was a lot of guilt I felt for not taking my mom's ashes up there, like she wanted. None of my vehicles have been working very well. My uncle said that it's fine, and there's no time limit on such a thing. Also, I told him it was O.K. to give my number to other relatives that want to contact me. After we talked, I was typing on my computer, and my cousin called. We talked for about a good half hour. I told everyone that things are going great now, about being in school and having a steady job. I even told them the secret I haven't told any family member. My cousin was fine with it. He said I'm family, and nothing like that would change it. I'm pretty happy with how things have turned out.
I spent a few hours on World of Warcraft yesterday evening. I'm at 50 now. However, as of right now, I'm completely lost in Felwood/Jaedenar, because I can't find the entrance to Shadow Hold, where there are 3 or 4 quests to carry out. So, I decided to skip it for now and focus on the area of Tanaris. It's an oceanside desert where I have been kicking ass, except for the instance called Zul'Farrak. I may need to form a group, which is hard, since I can't find very many other players on the Gorefiend server, except for Horde assholes that run around like they're King Shit of Fuck Mountain.
Now that I have my library at my fingertips again, I've been looking through a lot of my D&D books, seeing what I can throw at my players when I get my game together. This evening, I want to start building my Level-3 dungeon.
I am going to make one more playlist for my new MP3 player, which will consist of black metal. I just thought of something. For D&D, I should make a Nordic-style harbinger (bard variant) that wears corpse-paint! But, anyway, since my current player is smaller in capacity than my old one, I don't have as much memory to play with. I have what I need to drive around in, walk around in, and sleep with... sonically, I mean.
Right now, I'm listening to various tracks from the 2-CD release of the Das Ich remix album "Re-Laborat." I used to just have the 1-CD version, and now I feel cheated! I've never neard the Aghast View remix of "Des Satans Neue Kleider" or the Girls Under Glass recut of "Kain Und Abel" before today. Das Ich kick ass. They're like the German counterpart to Marilyn Manson, in their stage presence, Manson comes out crucified on TV sets, Stefan Ackermann comes out covered in a mud-like paint, with "666" on his chest. They also got together the same year.
Well, I'm bored and hungry, so I'm going to go hunt down some food. OM nom nom nom!
I spent a few hours on World of Warcraft yesterday evening. I'm at 50 now. However, as of right now, I'm completely lost in Felwood/Jaedenar, because I can't find the entrance to Shadow Hold, where there are 3 or 4 quests to carry out. So, I decided to skip it for now and focus on the area of Tanaris. It's an oceanside desert where I have been kicking ass, except for the instance called Zul'Farrak. I may need to form a group, which is hard, since I can't find very many other players on the Gorefiend server, except for Horde assholes that run around like they're King Shit of Fuck Mountain.
Now that I have my library at my fingertips again, I've been looking through a lot of my D&D books, seeing what I can throw at my players when I get my game together. This evening, I want to start building my Level-3 dungeon.
I am going to make one more playlist for my new MP3 player, which will consist of black metal. I just thought of something. For D&D, I should make a Nordic-style harbinger (bard variant) that wears corpse-paint! But, anyway, since my current player is smaller in capacity than my old one, I don't have as much memory to play with. I have what I need to drive around in, walk around in, and sleep with... sonically, I mean.
Right now, I'm listening to various tracks from the 2-CD release of the Das Ich remix album "Re-Laborat." I used to just have the 1-CD version, and now I feel cheated! I've never neard the Aghast View remix of "Des Satans Neue Kleider" or the Girls Under Glass recut of "Kain Und Abel" before today. Das Ich kick ass. They're like the German counterpart to Marilyn Manson, in their stage presence, Manson comes out crucified on TV sets, Stefan Ackermann comes out covered in a mud-like paint, with "666" on his chest. They also got together the same year.
Well, I'm bored and hungry, so I'm going to go hunt down some food. OM nom nom nom!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
90 Truths.
I just did this for Facebook.
What Was Your:
1. Last beverage= glass of milk
2. Last phone call= Betsy called from Walmart
3. Last text message= Bekah
4. Last song you listened to= "Engel" by Das Ich
5. Last time you cried= I think I cried in my sleep this afternoon.
Have you ever:
6. Dated someone twice= No.
7. Been cheated on= Yes.
8. Kissed someone && regretted it= No.
9. Lost someone special= Yes.
10. Been depressed= Yes.
11. Been drunk & threw up= Yes.
List 3 favorite colors (in order):
12. Purple
13. Turquoise
14. Blue
Last year (2010) you:
15. Made a new friend, who?= Betsy.
16. Fallen out of love?= No.
17. Laughed until you cried?= Laughed, but moments later cried about something unrelated.
18. Met someone who changed you?= Yes.
19. Found out who your true friends are?= Yes.
20. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list?= A few.
General:
21. How many people on your FB friend's list do you know in real life?= All but a few.
22. Do you have any pets?= Define "pet".
23. Do you want to change your name?= Yes, "St. Clair" sounds far too Catholic.
24. What did you do for your last birthday?= I don't remember. I think I just hung out at home.
25. What time did you wake up today? = 7:00 PM, I think.
26. What were you doing at midnight last night?= Working.
27. Name something you CANNOT wait for= Payday.
28. Last time you saw your mother?= December 3rd, 2007.
29. What is one thing you would change about your life?= I don't know.
30. What are you listening to right now.?= The EP "Satanische Verse" by Das Ich.
31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?= Yes.
32. What's getting on your nerves right now?= Trying to coordinate meet-ups and hangout times with people.
33. Do you have make-up on?= No.
34. Eye color= Brown.
35. Nickname(s)= Georgie (by only a few, so don't get carried away), Toaster Cookies.
36. Relationship status= There's someone special in my life, but it's really a close, flirtacious friendship. I do talk to some people from time to time, though.
37. Zodiac Sign?= Scorpio, but according to that one guy, a Virgo.
38. He or She?= What?
39. Elementary School?= Harrison Elementary.
40. Middle School?= Central.
41. High school?= Port Huron High.
42. Hair Color?= Brown.
43. Long or short?= Bald, when I get around to it.
44. Height= 5'8".
45. Do you have a crush on someone?= I think my doll is acceptionally cute, so are Bekah and Betsy. Do those count?
46. What do you like about yourself?= My willingness to shake things up.
47. Piercings?= My lip piercing's been taken out.
48. Tattoos?= The crest of the Scorpion clan (Legend of the Five Rings), a scarred black heart, the seal of the NSK, the emblem of the Romulan Star Empire (Star Trek), and the Broken Mirror of Clan Malkavian (Vampire: The Masquerade).
49. Righty or Left?= Right, but I flip with both birds.
Firsts:
50. First surgery?= Impacted wisdom teeth.
51. First piercing?= Lip.
52. First best friend?= Willie Battle.
53. First sport?= Tang soo do.
53. First Vacation?= My mom took me to Italy before I was a year old.
54. First pair of trainors?= Fuck if I know.
Right Now:
55. Eating?= Nothing.
56. Drinking?= Nothing.
57. Im about to?= Play World of Warcraft, then get ready for work.
61. Listening to?= The song "Jericho" by Das Ich. It's a spoken-work ballad with keyboard accompaniment. Youtube it!
62. Waiting for?= Payday.
63. Want kids?= Not right now.
64. Get Married?= Maybe, especially if the government stops cutting my options in half!
65. Career= Writer.
Which is better:
66. Lips or eyes?= Eyes.
67. Hugs or Kisses?= Depends.
68. Shorter or taller?= Depends.
69. Older or younger?= Depends.
70. Romantic or Spontaneous?= Romantically spontaneous.
71. Nice stomach or nice arms?= I've come to the realization that there's nothing more beautiful in that other person than the ability to spend those moments with them, and time seems to fly, and you curse every minute that ticks away. While tall/heavyset women are nice to look at, and tall/wiry men are hot, I would have to say that my "type" is anyone that I can feel at home with.
72. Sensitive or loud?= I'm a dichotomy of both.
73. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?= To be an effective troublemaker, you have to be just hesitant enough to know when to strike, and therefore cause the most trouble.
Have you ever:
74. Kissed a stranger?= Yes.
75. Drank hard liquor?= Yes.
76. Lost glasses/contacts?= Yes.
77. Cried over boyfriend?= No, but raged over his bullshit, though.
78. Broken someones heart?= No.
79. Had your own heart broken?= Yes.
80. Been arrested?= Yes.
81. Turned someone down?= Yes.
82. Cried when someone died?= Yes.
83. Fallen for a friend?= Not really.
Do you believe in:
85. Yourself?= Yes.
86. Miracles?= Define "miracle".
87. Love at first sight?= Not for me.
88. Santa Claus?= No.
89. Kiss on the first date?= Yes.
90. Angels?= I haven't seen any.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Starting a new blog! YEY!
All right! First blog in a long time! Here it is! I remember a time years ago, when life wasn't the best, and I found solace in writing my thoughts. I found peace in language, and I still do. I wrote about music, games, art, celebrities, movies, friends, family, love, school, work, religion, books, and politics. So, I thought I'd start my new blog with those topics.
I love music as much as a bard does. I love all types of styles, from various shades of metal, techno, goth, ambient, and folk. I even have a folder for video game themes (my favorite album therein is the soundtrack to Myst III: Exile). Recently, I got into a new type of music, steampunk. It's a lot like dark cabaret, but it has electronic/industrial elements. And the lyrics mostly have an overall theme that revolves around the way that the 19th century envisioned the future. It's worth checking out, especially if you're the adventurous type. All in all, most of what I listen to is either old, underground, or from Europe. I can't stand most of modern American mainstream music.
I'm a huge gamer geek. I have a small stack of games that I haven't gotten to play yet, so that's how I'm going to spend tonight and tomorrow. I use consoles and PC, and I go online. I just got the Burning Crusade expansion for World of Warcraft. I like fighting, science fiction, fantasy, horror, and crime games (I'm waiting with baited breath the arrival of the next Hitman game).
I am also a trading card gamer. I have some Legend of the Five Rings cards (my favorite clan is Scorpion--I have the tattoo of that), and I also collect Magic cards (my favorite colors are blue and black).
I love role-playing games! I'm an aspiring dungeon master for D&D, and I also play Star Wars and Vampire: The Masquerade (my favorite bloodline are the Malkavians, of course--I have a tattoo of that, too). I also want to get a Rifts gaming group together. Rifts is great, because you can be a psychic mage that rides a dinosaur and shoots a laser gun.
I've dabbled in sculpting when playing with clay, but I'm not a big artist. I enjoy art, though. My favorite styles/movements are surrealism and dada. In addition, I also like this art collective called the NSK State. I have a tattoo of their symbol, too. They organize themselves as a totalitarian micronation. And their art exhibits are often set up to resemble embassies. Their overall motive is to ridicule politics. This is often done by satirizing political extremism and drawing comparisons between many countries' foreign policies and those of historical totalitarian nations.
In addition to art, I love poetry. Along with music, poetry has also been an intrical part of my German language education. Namely, I am a fan of Georg Trakl and Gottfried Benn. I'm also studying the works of Vladimir Mayakovsky, so I can improve my Russian skills. From time to time, when an emotional mood strikes me, I write verses. Often, they're freeform narratives with subtle attempts at structure or rhyme. My most popular piece is "Cardiectomy." It's an expressive piece that features vivisection and cannibalism, which I wrote during my divorce.
I don't get today's obsession with those who have no talent. Those who are famous for being famous or rich deserve to be verbally knocked down a peg or two (or three or four...) in anybody's blog. Hell, they should bring back pieing! So, from time to time, I may rant about people who need to be sent away to a walled-off section of the world for contributing to our cultural cesspool ("Jersey Shore," anyone?).
In addition, I will also rave about my crushes. Many of them, however, are obscure. For instance, I have the hots for the former keyboardist of Switchblade Symphony, Susan Wallace. Or maybe I might verbally drool over Christoph Schneider, the drummer from Rammstein. Sonja Kraushofer, of L'Ame Immortelle, is this blood-red-haired, pale-skinned succubus, and she deserves to be heard and seen! Das Ich's Stefan Ackermann... mmmm...
I like movies, when my ADHD allows me to sit and pay attention to them! My favorite trilogies are Star Wars, Lord of the Rings (Hugo Weaving, YEY!), and Matrix (Weaving AND Keanu Reeves!). I like to draw life-lessons from my favorite movies. For instance, I believe in always seeking the truth, and trying to show others the way out of the control systems in their lives. I call it my "red pill philosophy."
"I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love." said Eddie Vedder. This would count me as a lucky person. However, I often bemoan the fact that most of my friends live out of town, except for my butch, Kim. I live in a college town, so I've made a lot of friends who are from elsewhere. That wouldn't be so much of a problem, but I don't trust my car. Two of my best friends, Festus and Terri--a couple, live up north. I love them dearly, and shudder to imagine an alternate reality where we never crossed paths.
I have another friend, Bekah. She's such a sweetie, and I love hanging out with her, even if it's online or via texting. She's one of those people who make me realize that, even if I'm at war with the world, there is a part of humanity worth fighting for. She said that I also inspire her, and she gives me a lot of interesting comparisons. Once, she said that I'm the campus Jesus and the campus Satan, because I offer words of wisdom, yet I encourage beligerant mischief. Recently, she compared me to Hunter S. Thompson.
I have few family members that I stay in touch with. Part of me is afraid of further alienation due to the fact that I'm an out-of-the-closet bisexual and a Deist. My mom passed away in 2007, a short while after she visited my apartment for the first time. Maybe, subconsciously, she knew what was going to happen, and she needed to see for herself that I made it on my own.
I've been engaged twice, one of which I married, then later divorced. One was a somewhat violent paranoid schizophrenic, and the other turned out to be a narcissistic pathological liar, a thief, and an abusive user.
As it stands right now, I am not in a monogamous committment, but there is someone who is close to me, and very near and dear to my heart. What we have is a very close, flirtacious friendship. Lots of cuddling and things like that. I refer to her as my doll, and she calls me her caretaker. It's a relationship that puts me in a gentle, tender, dominant role. It's new to me, and I am thankful for the opportunity to explore that side of myself.
I am enrolled at the local university, where I have a degree in general studies, and should have my A/S in Modern Foreign Language (Spanish Concentration). And I'm enrolled in the journalism program. This past semester, I wrote a weekly online column called "The best musicians you've never heard of." It was an attempt to set the pop-bombarded young'uns straight about what's good and what they're missing. When all is said and done, I want to write non-fiction. I want to build bridges of communication, even if the bridges lead to fucked-up places. I have a fantasy about writing The Book, that will cause such a stir and shake the status quo, as long as people are willing to read it. It's like I like to say: "I want to blow minds, but so few people have minds to blow."
I work at a company that cares for mentally handicapped adults. It's not the most glorious occupation, but simple incidents at work can feel so rewarding. Like when you wake someone up to take them to work, and they greet you with a huge hug and an ear-to-ear grin, it's awesome. Moments like that call out to that tender, giving part of me, and counterbalances the constant cynicism I feel. I plan on sticking with this job for a long time. It might inspire me to write a book that advocates on their behalf later on.
I've altered my religious perspective twice in my life. I was raised in Christianity, and later I discovered Islam. Neither answered my questions. After a while, I finally swallowed the red pill I needed. I came to the realization that I don't have to have a religion to believe in God. I don't need good behavior dictated to me from divine mandates. We have a highly-evolved brain that can discern such things. While I do believe in a creator, I also believe in the efficiency of Its creation, so It doesn't need to keep winding the gears and cogs to keep things going. As I mentioned before, I am a Deist. The Abrahamic religions tell us that we are formed of sin-infused dirt, and that we must believe and obey, or else. Science, which is the study of God's Nature, tells us that we came from stars, and gives us reasons we can believe. My knowledge that we are formed of recycled star matter encourages me to shine as brightly as I can as an individual. The belief that I was sin-infused dirt that was too stupid to suss out proper behavior in order to avoid damnation made me feel that I had to grovel and debase my individuality in hopes of a promised reward later. I'm not sure what happens after the death of my physical body, but I'm pretty sure that if there is a soul, it is enriched by my experiences and learnings I've obtained, and I would trust the Architect of the Multiverse to have the wisdom to know what to do with it after.
My physical bookshelf is scant. However, I have a vast digital library. Novels, RPG source books, and non-fiction covering everything from politics to philosophy to history are stuffed into my folder icons. I'm a fan of HP Lovecraft, Niel Gaiman, and Noam Chomsky, just to name a few. Right now, I'm working on getting through Thomas Paine's "Age of Reason." I'm also thinking of reading Salmon Rushdie's "Satanic Verses" later this summer, to see what the fuss was about.
Politics in America is a dog and pony show. Like Bill Hicks said, you might agree with the puppet on the left, or you might agree with the one on the right, but the strings are pulled by the same pair of arms. Except for the gun issue, I am very left-leaning. I agree with what Vladimir Lenin said, that we are always going to be deceived unless we can learn to seek out whose will is being reflected in the messages we are inundated with every day. That is to say that we must ask ourselves when we encounter our media "Who benefits from my belief that this is true?"
So, that's my world in a nutshell. Why make a blog? Well, it's therapeutic, for one thing. In addition, people can read these, and maybe friendships or support groups can be formed of like-minded people.
By the way, I didn't mention that I'm a Trekkie. How much? I have the emblem of the Romulan Star Empire as a tattoo! XD
I love music as much as a bard does. I love all types of styles, from various shades of metal, techno, goth, ambient, and folk. I even have a folder for video game themes (my favorite album therein is the soundtrack to Myst III: Exile). Recently, I got into a new type of music, steampunk. It's a lot like dark cabaret, but it has electronic/industrial elements. And the lyrics mostly have an overall theme that revolves around the way that the 19th century envisioned the future. It's worth checking out, especially if you're the adventurous type. All in all, most of what I listen to is either old, underground, or from Europe. I can't stand most of modern American mainstream music.
I'm a huge gamer geek. I have a small stack of games that I haven't gotten to play yet, so that's how I'm going to spend tonight and tomorrow. I use consoles and PC, and I go online. I just got the Burning Crusade expansion for World of Warcraft. I like fighting, science fiction, fantasy, horror, and crime games (I'm waiting with baited breath the arrival of the next Hitman game).
I am also a trading card gamer. I have some Legend of the Five Rings cards (my favorite clan is Scorpion--I have the tattoo of that), and I also collect Magic cards (my favorite colors are blue and black).
I love role-playing games! I'm an aspiring dungeon master for D&D, and I also play Star Wars and Vampire: The Masquerade (my favorite bloodline are the Malkavians, of course--I have a tattoo of that, too). I also want to get a Rifts gaming group together. Rifts is great, because you can be a psychic mage that rides a dinosaur and shoots a laser gun.
I've dabbled in sculpting when playing with clay, but I'm not a big artist. I enjoy art, though. My favorite styles/movements are surrealism and dada. In addition, I also like this art collective called the NSK State. I have a tattoo of their symbol, too. They organize themselves as a totalitarian micronation. And their art exhibits are often set up to resemble embassies. Their overall motive is to ridicule politics. This is often done by satirizing political extremism and drawing comparisons between many countries' foreign policies and those of historical totalitarian nations.
In addition to art, I love poetry. Along with music, poetry has also been an intrical part of my German language education. Namely, I am a fan of Georg Trakl and Gottfried Benn. I'm also studying the works of Vladimir Mayakovsky, so I can improve my Russian skills. From time to time, when an emotional mood strikes me, I write verses. Often, they're freeform narratives with subtle attempts at structure or rhyme. My most popular piece is "Cardiectomy." It's an expressive piece that features vivisection and cannibalism, which I wrote during my divorce.
I don't get today's obsession with those who have no talent. Those who are famous for being famous or rich deserve to be verbally knocked down a peg or two (or three or four...) in anybody's blog. Hell, they should bring back pieing! So, from time to time, I may rant about people who need to be sent away to a walled-off section of the world for contributing to our cultural cesspool ("Jersey Shore," anyone?).
In addition, I will also rave about my crushes. Many of them, however, are obscure. For instance, I have the hots for the former keyboardist of Switchblade Symphony, Susan Wallace. Or maybe I might verbally drool over Christoph Schneider, the drummer from Rammstein. Sonja Kraushofer, of L'Ame Immortelle, is this blood-red-haired, pale-skinned succubus, and she deserves to be heard and seen! Das Ich's Stefan Ackermann... mmmm...
I like movies, when my ADHD allows me to sit and pay attention to them! My favorite trilogies are Star Wars, Lord of the Rings (Hugo Weaving, YEY!), and Matrix (Weaving AND Keanu Reeves!). I like to draw life-lessons from my favorite movies. For instance, I believe in always seeking the truth, and trying to show others the way out of the control systems in their lives. I call it my "red pill philosophy."
"I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love." said Eddie Vedder. This would count me as a lucky person. However, I often bemoan the fact that most of my friends live out of town, except for my butch, Kim. I live in a college town, so I've made a lot of friends who are from elsewhere. That wouldn't be so much of a problem, but I don't trust my car. Two of my best friends, Festus and Terri--a couple, live up north. I love them dearly, and shudder to imagine an alternate reality where we never crossed paths.
I have another friend, Bekah. She's such a sweetie, and I love hanging out with her, even if it's online or via texting. She's one of those people who make me realize that, even if I'm at war with the world, there is a part of humanity worth fighting for. She said that I also inspire her, and she gives me a lot of interesting comparisons. Once, she said that I'm the campus Jesus and the campus Satan, because I offer words of wisdom, yet I encourage beligerant mischief. Recently, she compared me to Hunter S. Thompson.
I have few family members that I stay in touch with. Part of me is afraid of further alienation due to the fact that I'm an out-of-the-closet bisexual and a Deist. My mom passed away in 2007, a short while after she visited my apartment for the first time. Maybe, subconsciously, she knew what was going to happen, and she needed to see for herself that I made it on my own.
I've been engaged twice, one of which I married, then later divorced. One was a somewhat violent paranoid schizophrenic, and the other turned out to be a narcissistic pathological liar, a thief, and an abusive user.
As it stands right now, I am not in a monogamous committment, but there is someone who is close to me, and very near and dear to my heart. What we have is a very close, flirtacious friendship. Lots of cuddling and things like that. I refer to her as my doll, and she calls me her caretaker. It's a relationship that puts me in a gentle, tender, dominant role. It's new to me, and I am thankful for the opportunity to explore that side of myself.
I am enrolled at the local university, where I have a degree in general studies, and should have my A/S in Modern Foreign Language (Spanish Concentration). And I'm enrolled in the journalism program. This past semester, I wrote a weekly online column called "The best musicians you've never heard of." It was an attempt to set the pop-bombarded young'uns straight about what's good and what they're missing. When all is said and done, I want to write non-fiction. I want to build bridges of communication, even if the bridges lead to fucked-up places. I have a fantasy about writing The Book, that will cause such a stir and shake the status quo, as long as people are willing to read it. It's like I like to say: "I want to blow minds, but so few people have minds to blow."
I work at a company that cares for mentally handicapped adults. It's not the most glorious occupation, but simple incidents at work can feel so rewarding. Like when you wake someone up to take them to work, and they greet you with a huge hug and an ear-to-ear grin, it's awesome. Moments like that call out to that tender, giving part of me, and counterbalances the constant cynicism I feel. I plan on sticking with this job for a long time. It might inspire me to write a book that advocates on their behalf later on.
I've altered my religious perspective twice in my life. I was raised in Christianity, and later I discovered Islam. Neither answered my questions. After a while, I finally swallowed the red pill I needed. I came to the realization that I don't have to have a religion to believe in God. I don't need good behavior dictated to me from divine mandates. We have a highly-evolved brain that can discern such things. While I do believe in a creator, I also believe in the efficiency of Its creation, so It doesn't need to keep winding the gears and cogs to keep things going. As I mentioned before, I am a Deist. The Abrahamic religions tell us that we are formed of sin-infused dirt, and that we must believe and obey, or else. Science, which is the study of God's Nature, tells us that we came from stars, and gives us reasons we can believe. My knowledge that we are formed of recycled star matter encourages me to shine as brightly as I can as an individual. The belief that I was sin-infused dirt that was too stupid to suss out proper behavior in order to avoid damnation made me feel that I had to grovel and debase my individuality in hopes of a promised reward later. I'm not sure what happens after the death of my physical body, but I'm pretty sure that if there is a soul, it is enriched by my experiences and learnings I've obtained, and I would trust the Architect of the Multiverse to have the wisdom to know what to do with it after.
My physical bookshelf is scant. However, I have a vast digital library. Novels, RPG source books, and non-fiction covering everything from politics to philosophy to history are stuffed into my folder icons. I'm a fan of HP Lovecraft, Niel Gaiman, and Noam Chomsky, just to name a few. Right now, I'm working on getting through Thomas Paine's "Age of Reason." I'm also thinking of reading Salmon Rushdie's "Satanic Verses" later this summer, to see what the fuss was about.
Politics in America is a dog and pony show. Like Bill Hicks said, you might agree with the puppet on the left, or you might agree with the one on the right, but the strings are pulled by the same pair of arms. Except for the gun issue, I am very left-leaning. I agree with what Vladimir Lenin said, that we are always going to be deceived unless we can learn to seek out whose will is being reflected in the messages we are inundated with every day. That is to say that we must ask ourselves when we encounter our media "Who benefits from my belief that this is true?"
So, that's my world in a nutshell. Why make a blog? Well, it's therapeutic, for one thing. In addition, people can read these, and maybe friendships or support groups can be formed of like-minded people.
By the way, I didn't mention that I'm a Trekkie. How much? I have the emblem of the Romulan Star Empire as a tattoo! XD
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