All right! First blog in a long time! Here it is! I remember a time years ago, when life wasn't the best, and I found solace in writing my thoughts. I found peace in language, and I still do. I wrote about music, games, art, celebrities, movies, friends, family, love, school, work, religion, books, and politics. So, I thought I'd start my new blog with those topics.
I love music as much as a bard does. I love all types of styles, from various shades of metal, techno, goth, ambient, and folk. I even have a folder for video game themes (my favorite album therein is the soundtrack to Myst III: Exile). Recently, I got into a new type of music, steampunk. It's a lot like dark cabaret, but it has electronic/industrial elements. And the lyrics mostly have an overall theme that revolves around the way that the 19th century envisioned the future. It's worth checking out, especially if you're the adventurous type. All in all, most of what I listen to is either old, underground, or from Europe. I can't stand most of modern American mainstream music.
I'm a huge gamer geek. I have a small stack of games that I haven't gotten to play yet, so that's how I'm going to spend tonight and tomorrow. I use consoles and PC, and I go online. I just got the Burning Crusade expansion for World of Warcraft. I like fighting, science fiction, fantasy, horror, and crime games (I'm waiting with baited breath the arrival of the next Hitman game).
I am also a trading card gamer. I have some Legend of the Five Rings cards (my favorite clan is Scorpion--I have the tattoo of that), and I also collect Magic cards (my favorite colors are blue and black).
I love role-playing games! I'm an aspiring dungeon master for D&D, and I also play Star Wars and Vampire: The Masquerade (my favorite bloodline are the Malkavians, of course--I have a tattoo of that, too). I also want to get a Rifts gaming group together. Rifts is great, because you can be a psychic mage that rides a dinosaur and shoots a laser gun.
I've dabbled in sculpting when playing with clay, but I'm not a big artist. I enjoy art, though. My favorite styles/movements are surrealism and dada. In addition, I also like this art collective called the NSK State. I have a tattoo of their symbol, too. They organize themselves as a totalitarian micronation. And their art exhibits are often set up to resemble embassies. Their overall motive is to ridicule politics. This is often done by satirizing political extremism and drawing comparisons between many countries' foreign policies and those of historical totalitarian nations.
In addition to art, I love poetry. Along with music, poetry has also been an intrical part of my German language education. Namely, I am a fan of Georg Trakl and Gottfried Benn. I'm also studying the works of Vladimir Mayakovsky, so I can improve my Russian skills. From time to time, when an emotional mood strikes me, I write verses. Often, they're freeform narratives with subtle attempts at structure or rhyme. My most popular piece is "Cardiectomy." It's an expressive piece that features vivisection and cannibalism, which I wrote during my divorce.
I don't get today's obsession with those who have no talent. Those who are famous for being famous or rich deserve to be verbally knocked down a peg or two (or three or four...) in anybody's blog. Hell, they should bring back pieing! So, from time to time, I may rant about people who need to be sent away to a walled-off section of the world for contributing to our cultural cesspool ("Jersey Shore," anyone?).
In addition, I will also rave about my crushes. Many of them, however, are obscure. For instance, I have the hots for the former keyboardist of Switchblade Symphony, Susan Wallace. Or maybe I might verbally drool over Christoph Schneider, the drummer from Rammstein. Sonja Kraushofer, of L'Ame Immortelle, is this blood-red-haired, pale-skinned succubus, and she deserves to be heard and seen! Das Ich's Stefan Ackermann... mmmm...
I like movies, when my ADHD allows me to sit and pay attention to them! My favorite trilogies are Star Wars, Lord of the Rings (Hugo Weaving, YEY!), and Matrix (Weaving AND Keanu Reeves!). I like to draw life-lessons from my favorite movies. For instance, I believe in always seeking the truth, and trying to show others the way out of the control systems in their lives. I call it my "red pill philosophy."
"I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love." said Eddie Vedder. This would count me as a lucky person. However, I often bemoan the fact that most of my friends live out of town, except for my butch, Kim. I live in a college town, so I've made a lot of friends who are from elsewhere. That wouldn't be so much of a problem, but I don't trust my car. Two of my best friends, Festus and Terri--a couple, live up north. I love them dearly, and shudder to imagine an alternate reality where we never crossed paths.
I have another friend, Bekah. She's such a sweetie, and I love hanging out with her, even if it's online or via texting. She's one of those people who make me realize that, even if I'm at war with the world, there is a part of humanity worth fighting for. She said that I also inspire her, and she gives me a lot of interesting comparisons. Once, she said that I'm the campus Jesus and the campus Satan, because I offer words of wisdom, yet I encourage beligerant mischief. Recently, she compared me to Hunter S. Thompson.
I have few family members that I stay in touch with. Part of me is afraid of further alienation due to the fact that I'm an out-of-the-closet bisexual and a Deist. My mom passed away in 2007, a short while after she visited my apartment for the first time. Maybe, subconsciously, she knew what was going to happen, and she needed to see for herself that I made it on my own.
I've been engaged twice, one of which I married, then later divorced. One was a somewhat violent paranoid schizophrenic, and the other turned out to be a narcissistic pathological liar, a thief, and an abusive user.
As it stands right now, I am not in a monogamous committment, but there is someone who is close to me, and very near and dear to my heart. What we have is a very close, flirtacious friendship. Lots of cuddling and things like that. I refer to her as my doll, and she calls me her caretaker. It's a relationship that puts me in a gentle, tender, dominant role. It's new to me, and I am thankful for the opportunity to explore that side of myself.
I am enrolled at the local university, where I have a degree in general studies, and should have my A/S in Modern Foreign Language (Spanish Concentration). And I'm enrolled in the journalism program. This past semester, I wrote a weekly online column called "The best musicians you've never heard of." It was an attempt to set the pop-bombarded young'uns straight about what's good and what they're missing. When all is said and done, I want to write non-fiction. I want to build bridges of communication, even if the bridges lead to fucked-up places. I have a fantasy about writing The Book, that will cause such a stir and shake the status quo, as long as people are willing to read it. It's like I like to say: "I want to blow minds, but so few people have minds to blow."
I work at a company that cares for mentally handicapped adults. It's not the most glorious occupation, but simple incidents at work can feel so rewarding. Like when you wake someone up to take them to work, and they greet you with a huge hug and an ear-to-ear grin, it's awesome. Moments like that call out to that tender, giving part of me, and counterbalances the constant cynicism I feel. I plan on sticking with this job for a long time. It might inspire me to write a book that advocates on their behalf later on.
I've altered my religious perspective twice in my life. I was raised in Christianity, and later I discovered Islam. Neither answered my questions. After a while, I finally swallowed the red pill I needed. I came to the realization that I don't have to have a religion to believe in God. I don't need good behavior dictated to me from divine mandates. We have a highly-evolved brain that can discern such things. While I do believe in a creator, I also believe in the efficiency of Its creation, so It doesn't need to keep winding the gears and cogs to keep things going. As I mentioned before, I am a Deist. The Abrahamic religions tell us that we are formed of sin-infused dirt, and that we must believe and obey, or else. Science, which is the study of God's Nature, tells us that we came from stars, and gives us reasons we can believe. My knowledge that we are formed of recycled star matter encourages me to shine as brightly as I can as an individual. The belief that I was sin-infused dirt that was too stupid to suss out proper behavior in order to avoid damnation made me feel that I had to grovel and debase my individuality in hopes of a promised reward later. I'm not sure what happens after the death of my physical body, but I'm pretty sure that if there is a soul, it is enriched by my experiences and learnings I've obtained, and I would trust the Architect of the Multiverse to have the wisdom to know what to do with it after.
My physical bookshelf is scant. However, I have a vast digital library. Novels, RPG source books, and non-fiction covering everything from politics to philosophy to history are stuffed into my folder icons. I'm a fan of HP Lovecraft, Niel Gaiman, and Noam Chomsky, just to name a few. Right now, I'm working on getting through Thomas Paine's "Age of Reason." I'm also thinking of reading Salmon Rushdie's "Satanic Verses" later this summer, to see what the fuss was about.
Politics in America is a dog and pony show. Like Bill Hicks said, you might agree with the puppet on the left, or you might agree with the one on the right, but the strings are pulled by the same pair of arms. Except for the gun issue, I am very left-leaning. I agree with what Vladimir Lenin said, that we are always going to be deceived unless we can learn to seek out whose will is being reflected in the messages we are inundated with every day. That is to say that we must ask ourselves when we encounter our media "Who benefits from my belief that this is true?"
So, that's my world in a nutshell. Why make a blog? Well, it's therapeutic, for one thing. In addition, people can read these, and maybe friendships or support groups can be formed of like-minded people.
By the way, I didn't mention that I'm a Trekkie. How much? I have the emblem of the Romulan Star Empire as a tattoo! XD
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