Disappointment.

     I'm watching 300 while typing this blog entry. It seems fitting. A small group of proverbial Davids takes on an army of Goliaths, to mark a partial victory that inspires more Davids to rise up. It's inspiring, although it's an exaggerated retelling of a real historical event, the Battle of Thermopylae. Lately, I've been feeling like I have my back against a wall, and the world is just staring me down. It's been a week of disappointment. I will explain.

     I thought I had been doing well a the women's group home at work. After all, I've been surrounded by women my whole life, so I didn't feel out of place. But, I guess two of the residents and one of the guardians has a problem with male staff being there. My supervisor didn't like that the house was going to lose a staff.
     They explained that I hadn't done anything wrong, but they wanted to get me out of there before someone accused me of doing something wrong. Admittedly, I did have a fear of that, since I was engaged to a paranoid schizophrenic who told the police that I was trying to kill her at every turn.
     However, being taught to be a caretaker since childhood, if I'm assigned to someone, I don't like to give up on them. I make it personal. This is why I haven't quit my other job yet; I'm loyal to the people I care for, over the company that assigns me. One lady even reminds me of my mom (when she lived in the nursing home). And I've become buddies with another. And a third, I like to banter and joke with - I often respond to her "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" with "I'm talkin' 'bout yo' mama!"
     But, anyway, they're moving me to the co-ed group home, which is a further commute. Now, many would say "Why would they have a problem with male staff in a female house, but not have a problem with a co-ed home, where the men there have fewer rules to live by?" To which, I would say "Hey, how dare you use logic and reason in this conversation?" This will start on Friday, the 1st.

     I went to meet with Cammy. The semi-official relationship is now... not. The meeting was a disaster. She was very fishy and introducing me as "just a friend". She didn't want to hang out at her place, claiming her ex-husband was stalking her and running her potential boyfriends off. We ran into her dad. After we sat and talked, she had to go home, and so I went to pick up my car at the local Casey's. I went to their bathroom and saw her dad sitting there. I asked him if she was getting a divorce. He said "Not that I know of." I guess I wasted three or four months being "the other man."
     I told her today that, if she wanted a relationship, she'd have to send me proof that there are divorce papers being filed. Later, she said her grandma and dad were scared of her being with me, and they weren't supposed to know about the divorce. I was born early in the morning, not yesterday morning.
     I'm just done with relationships. Yeah, I'm cool with having benefits with a handful of friends who actually care about me, than have a relationship with someone who "loves" me, or in the case of Cammy, "likes and cares about" me.

     Right now, I need to focus on me. I need to make my first priority my work and livelihood. I need to make my second priority my writing, especially Across the Multiverse - my tentatively-titled series.
     I feel like I need to drown myself in my writings. Right now, I have two stories open, and one of my browser tabs on 4chan, along with Blogger.
     I'm not going to waste time fucking with relationships for a while. My work should take up my days, my writing should take up my heart. And, if along the way, I manage to get some naked cuddling with an FWB here and there, that's fine.

     I guess I need to make my stand against the charging stupid shit.