I seem to be going through a rough patch. Health, finances, and home are all (in the words of the Trailer Park Boys) fucky. Right now, I just need to make my sanity Priority 1. To do that, I need to write.
As far as my health is concerned, I have been frequently dizzy. This may be related to blood pressure, sugar, changing eyesight, or any combination of the three. Nonetheless, I want it fixed. Even while stone sober, I sporadically find myself bracing against walls and whatnot in an effort to keep my balance.
My blood pressure is always high, and luckily, I'm taking my medicines more frequently. I hope it helps. However, the dizziness is still there.
The next possible culprit is my sugar. It seems unlikely that my diabetes is causing my dizziness, as my A1C dropped from 8.1 to 7. So far, blood-sugar can be ruled out.
A few years ago, I noticed my eyesight going wonky (not a medical term) after being exposed to a lot of screens. It's a side-effect of the Information Age. I got an eye exam, and he said I had nothing to worry about, as far as my diabetes taking my sight. However, he said that, as I age, I will probably end up far-sighted and needing glasses in a few years. That time may have come. The dizziness intensifies when I look away after looking at something up close.
So, I'm thinking eyesight is the main culprit, followed by high blood pressure.
This dry drunkenness has affected my work. I passed out while sitting on the loveseat at work. Someone reported me for falling asleep, and so I've lost my full-time job. No one asked me if I was asleep or alright. I don't remember it. I remember thinking "Wow, I'm dizzy." Then I was sweating a lot, then I shook it off and got up.
But, then again, since I started, I felt that I was marginalized, as male staff in a nearly all-female work environment. In addition, it was almost everyone from Pike County working there, so there was that small-town, anti-outsider atmosphere. I constantly felt like the odd man out (emphasis on the word "man").
I still have my part-time job at Bridges. I'm going to try to expand my schedule there for the next week. Worst case scenario, I can get part-time hours at another group home. I just need to get through this financial rough patch.
My roommate has been catfished over the past year. This woman, "Susan", claims that she's in the Army and stationed in Africa. She won't go into a lot of detail, claiming it's too secretive. My roommate won't admit to being catfished; and she will not listen to any other point of view.
At first, I looked at this the same way I look at organized religion. "Believe what you want, regardless of how ridiculous it sounds. I won't do or say anything unless it affects me." Now, to continue the metaphor, my roommate fanatically worships "Susan", and I'm like an atheist. That is to say she wraps her whole life and future decisions around "Susan" and alienates anyone who won't go along with it; and I just don't believe "Susan" exists.
The more glitches in the matrix my roommate sees, the more glitches she ignores, and the deeper into her denial she goes. This causes a constant cognitive dissonance, which creates a tension within the household, which makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
To make matters worse, "Susan" seems to know that I'm onto her, and therefore tries to have input into my homelife. She's trying to encourage my roommate to kick me out. Well, I'm doing all the research I can to try to figure out who this person is and try to catch the cunt in a lie. It's to the point where I'm being fucked with.
To make matters even worse than that, she seems to begrudge me the fact that I can see the person I'm dating, and wants to try to piss on it all she can. I may have to make a drastic life change if it doesn't get better.
Speaking of my love life, things are going well with DB. I'm making weekly trips to see her in Ellettsville (outside of Bloomington). I feel at ease when I make these trips. For one thing, I bond with her and build our relationship; for another, I like going into town and get that big-town feel of being around people. So, basically, I get to be with my babygirl, and it's in an exciting setting.
Until things get better, I have to remember the name of the Nine Inch Nails song "The Way Out Is Through."
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