Stuff and things.

     I didn't realize it had been since the 5th of January since I sat and engaged in blogging therapy. Distractions, depression, distractions, mood swings, distractions, money issues, distractions, car issues. I have time between naps, so I'm blogging.
     As mentioned already, depression hit hard between late January and early March. I'm glad Denise gets it, since she's seen crying jags two years in a row.
     Speaking of Denise, I have taken time off next month to help her after her surgery. I'll be up there, making sure she does no lifting, and playing goalie with her son, who likes to jump on people. "Uh-uh. Nope. Not today, young'un!" We'll also catch up on TV and maybe finish our show, "Person of Interest."
     Nothing much else happening, other than writing, gaming, and my politics obsession, which I talk about in my other blogs. So now, I'm just going to hang out and wait to possibly get paid tomorrow morning.

New Year

     I'm not much of a resolutions person. I do try to set goals for what I would like to do in the near future, but I would rather think that should come more frequently than the beginning of the year.
     This is one reason why I take issue with the phrase "New year, new me!" The other reason is a technicality; the body renews itself on a cellular level a few times a year. A person is constantly generating a "new me." The mind should do so at least that frequently.
     But still, I have set a few goals for myself.

     Denise and I are Facebook-official. We love each other, and we've gone through our first stressful holiday season just fine. Her family likes me, as do her friends.
     So, my big goal is to begin moving towards the Bloomington area. I need a bigger venue for my weirdness to flourish, and I need to be near her and the kid.

     I am a political junkie in an anti-intellectual nation that is run by corrupt politicians and populated by people who mentally dropped out in the middle of their K-12 education. That being said, I'm no super-genius, myself; but I feel like Joe Bauer in Idiocracy. I was an average student as a kid, so why can I so easily debunk every meme and parroted talking point from the right?
     This brings me to my other goal. I need to not stress when people, who arm themselves with AR15s to go to the grocery store and listen to Alex Jones, claim that Obama and George Soros are running a deep state government to undermine Dear Leader Trump.
     It's like when Neil DeGrasse Tyson talked about moon landing conspiracy theorists. They will deny everything, including evidence, so don't waste time arguing with them. They refuse to listen to reason.

     These are two big goals, but I think I can at least make progress.

Turning 41.

     I had this amazing birthday celebration, thanks to my babygirl, Denise!
     Monday, I arrived early in the morning (still Sunday night). We watched Netflix and cuddled on the couch. Then we went to sleep, and sent her son to school in the morning.
     We napped until later in the morning. Then we had more Netflix/cuddle time. Then we said our first "I love you"s! Genuine ones, not hinting around to it. And I'm not counting when she was on pain meds after her surgery. Then we went to this neat little town, here in Indiana, called Nashville. We walked around and had lunch. Took this "cute couple" selfie in front of a fall leaf sculpture.
     Later, she took me to Olive Garden. I had the never ending fettucine alfredo with chicken fritta. The more I think about it, the hungrier I get for more of that!
     Later, at night, we laid together, but found it hard to sleep. And this isn't just because part of our nightly ritual includes her butt being massaged. We laid face-to-face, and each of us kept opening our non-pillow eye to look at each other.
     After work, she treated me to a vapor flavor that I really dig! They weren't kidding when they labeled it "Caramel Macchiato"!
     I'm crazy about Denise. I really love her. Still cautious, but still not seeing any "relationship red-flags" yet. I'm so happy with this one.

It's finally fall. Let's hope for the best.

     After a long, arduous summer that feels hotter on average than the ones before, it's finally fall. Around this time of year, I always feel a sense of mental and emotional renewal. I hope it counterbalances the blahs of the past two weeks.

     I'm still dating Denise. I've met her family, who seem to like me. She's having a bit of the blahs, too; and I think our moods are feeding off of each other. For one thing, we're both sick again. Fatigue, aches, dizziness. I was off Tuesday, so I took that day to rest. Also, we've just passed the anniversary of her mom's death last year, and my mom's birthday.
     Lately, she's been saying she's bored, relationship-wise, and hopes I will work with her to bring the fun back, as we seem to be stuck in a rut with our routines. I did go to mass with her, which she was really happy about. There are a lot of things I would like to do, like go hiking, camp out, go to a zoo, visit a big city.
     I've rearranged my schedule so I can go with her as her +1 to a wedding this coming Saturday. She said I am "required" to dance, and participating in karaoke is recommended. I like that.

     Work-wise, I've lost two clients, and one was in the hospital. Luckily, shifts were filled in. They want to keep me around, so they're trying to get me as close to full-time as possible.
     There is some good news, and that is there's a raise on the horizon. After October 1st, the starting rate will be $10.25, with more experienced people (like me), getting more.

     It's time to relax. I'm tired and hurting. Maybe some animated sitcoms and tea while I lay here.

   

The things you do out of boredom.

     Out of boredom and curiosity, I looked up someone's profile on Facebook. It wasn't a lost love or anything.
     Back in 1997, I went to a bar up in Port Huron. I think it was called George's. I parked my car across the street and walked into George's. As I was doing so, heard scuffling coming from the alley behind the Roche Bar (a local landmark). I saw a big guy pummeling the shit out of a smaller guy. At this point he power-bombed him (a slamming move often seen on wrestling).
     I went into George's and told them to call the cops (life without smartphones).
I went back across the street with another guy (Mitch).
     We went into the alley and saw the big guy holding the smaller guy against the wall, with his fist raised.
     At that moment I blurted out "Back the fuck off of him!" He did so, and came for us. Mitch got in the way, and the bigger guy promptly knocked him out. He hit me twice, but nothing much happened. He then fled after hearing the sirens.
     As the EMTs helped the smaller guy, whose head looked like a misshapen melon, I saw he had gang signs tattooed on him, one being a swastika. They got his name, Harold.
     They caught the bigger guy, Jesse. He tried to be slick and put on a long-sleeved shirt. I identified him after I asked the police to have him pull it up to reveal the familiar blood-stained T-shirt. He later confessed to everything.
     To this day, I wonder if Harold knew a black man saved his life. And if so, how does he feel about that?

Today was decent.

     I don't know what it is about folk noir and dark ambient music, but I end up having a decent day after listening to it the night before. My speaker I used with my iPod is shot, so last night, I put on Spotify on PS3, and listened to Dead Can Dance. It was nice and relaxing. Tonight, I'll probably try to see what of Hagalaz' Runedance they have, or maybe even go darker with Arcana or Midnight Syndicate.

     I was awakened by a call from Michigan Courtney. She and I talked a bit before she went into work. That was nice. I went to sleep after that.
     After waking up again, I saw a good morning text from my babygirl, DB. We chatted a bit throughout the day.

     I checked my work E-mail, finding that one of the supervisors is interested in staffing me at a house with possible full-time hours. I then went to pick up my one client from here in town, and got a call to meet with a behavior specialist and another new client. In addition, I went to spend time with a new client in Vincennes. Also, I got a bit more in my paycheck than I expected.
     When I got home, I found that the last bit of paperwork from my Pike County job has been done. I don't have to deal with those cunts anymore, as far as I know.

      I guess things are starting to look up and I'm seeing sunlight through the murk. I'm definitely exploring Spotify tonight.

Mentally run ragged.

     I seem to be going through a rough patch. Health, finances, and home are all (in the words of the Trailer Park Boys) fucky. Right now, I just need to make my sanity Priority 1. To do that, I need to write.

     As far as my health is concerned, I have been frequently dizzy. This may be related to blood pressure, sugar, changing eyesight, or any combination of the three. Nonetheless, I want it fixed. Even while stone sober, I sporadically find myself bracing against walls and whatnot in an effort to keep my balance.
     My blood pressure is always high, and luckily, I'm taking my medicines more frequently. I hope it helps. However, the dizziness is still there.
     The next possible culprit is my sugar. It seems unlikely that my diabetes is causing my dizziness, as my A1C dropped from 8.1 to 7. So far, blood-sugar can be ruled out.
     A few years ago, I noticed my eyesight going wonky (not a medical term) after being exposed to a lot of screens. It's a side-effect of the Information Age. I got an eye exam, and he said I had nothing to worry about, as far as my diabetes taking my sight. However, he said that, as I age, I will probably end up far-sighted and needing glasses in a few years. That time may have come. The dizziness intensifies when I look away after looking at something up close.
    So, I'm thinking eyesight is the main culprit, followed by high blood pressure.

     This dry drunkenness has affected my work. I passed out while sitting on the loveseat at work. Someone reported me for falling asleep, and so I've lost my full-time job. No one asked me if I was asleep or alright. I don't remember it. I remember thinking "Wow, I'm dizzy." Then I was sweating a lot, then I shook it off and got up.
     But, then again, since I started, I felt that I was marginalized, as male staff in a nearly all-female work environment. In addition, it was almost everyone from Pike County working there, so there was that small-town, anti-outsider atmosphere. I constantly felt like the odd man out (emphasis on the word "man").
    I still have my part-time job at Bridges. I'm going to try to expand my schedule there for the next week. Worst case scenario, I can get part-time hours at another group home. I just need to get through this financial rough patch.

     My roommate has been catfished over the past year. This woman, "Susan", claims that she's in the Army and stationed in Africa. She won't go into a lot of detail, claiming it's too secretive. My roommate won't admit to being catfished; and she will not listen to any other point of view.
     At first, I looked at this the same way I look at organized religion. "Believe what you want, regardless of how ridiculous it sounds. I won't do or say anything unless it affects me." Now, to continue the metaphor, my roommate fanatically worships "Susan", and I'm like an atheist. That is to say she wraps her whole life and future decisions around "Susan" and alienates anyone who won't go along with it; and I just don't believe "Susan" exists.
     The more glitches in the matrix my roommate sees, the more glitches she ignores, and the deeper into her denial she goes. This causes a constant cognitive dissonance, which creates a tension within the household, which makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
     To make matters worse, "Susan" seems to know that I'm onto her, and therefore tries to have input into my homelife. She's trying to encourage my roommate to kick me out. Well, I'm doing all the research I can to try to figure out who this person is and try to catch the cunt in a lie. It's to the point where I'm being fucked with.
     To make matters even worse than that, she seems to begrudge me the fact that I can see the person I'm dating, and wants to try to piss on it all she can. I may have to make a drastic life change if it doesn't get better.

     Speaking of my love life, things are going well with DB. I'm making weekly trips to see her in Ellettsville (outside of Bloomington). I feel at ease when I make these trips. For one thing, I bond with her and build our relationship; for another, I like going into town and get that big-town feel of being around people. So, basically, I get to be with my babygirl, and it's in an exciting setting.
     Until things get better, I have to remember the name of the Nine Inch Nails song "The Way Out Is Through."